Tuesday March 19th 2013

Dear Journal;

Hello, My Friend! Soooo it’s been a week since I have last written to you…not TOO bad right? Let me be honest. I have been in a funk for…a long time. I just can’t muster the desire to do much of anything. I was binge reading for the past two months. I did enjoy that but, this month I must of started half a dozen books and after a few pages I tossed it aside and there it sits, on my night stand.

I was whipping out blog entries like no tomorrow too, but now I sit there with the document open  but I can’t will the words to come. I want to. I love my blog and writing on it and I love all the challenges I part take in. But, something is blocking me from doing so. Kind of like writer’s block. But with life. A life block.

All i have been doing is going to work on the days I work . When I don’t work I use the computer without really using it.  I do my errands maybe some light cooking and cleaning but mostly binge watch  crap TV.

I spoke to Omar last night about this. I asked him if I’m depressed. He asked me if I’m sad. I told him no. I’m not sad. Really I’m not. I’m just indifferent. I don’t give a shit about anything anymore. But sad? No. He told me it’s just being worn out and fed up with my life situation and being stuck in the shit for so long with no sign of things changing.  I then asked if being indifferent was a symptom of depression. He said he personally doesn’t think so having been through depression himself. I told him those pamphlets the hospital give you says it is. Then we play fought a bit and that was that.

I don’t think I’m depressed. I think I’m just tired. Tired of being stuck.  I don’t want to sound ungrateful. I am thankful for my job. Employment opportunities are long and far in between. I just wish I could do more with my little hours and pay. I mean you should see my bank account. God I’m a statistic now…just trying to make it to my next paycheck.

Anywho, I have to go finish my coffee before my shift starts. I’ll write again soon. Thanks for listening my friend.

Tasha 9:14am

  1. Rahburt says:

    Been right there with you. Just kind of over everything. But you know what happens regardless, time. It passes and so does my blah state. I feel ashamed sometimes when I want to fast forward time so I can get there again.


  2. Hmm yeah it is not a nice way to feel *HUGS*


  3. kkaypeter says:

    Reblogged this on kkaypeter and commented:


  4. Kozo says:

    The meh kitty may look indifferent, but on second glance he looks enlightened. Kind of like a buddha. Maybe your indifference is a sign of acceptance and equanimity?? Love your dear diary posts. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo


    • I sure hope so. I actually like to believe I have just accepted my fate. Not giving up. But accepting things and people for the way they are no matter how much i wish it was different. To gain peace and happiness I’ll just have to use a different approach then trying to move mountains.


  5. tfaswift says:

    Your diary excerpts have added an awesome new dimension to your blog. Wow. It really lets the reader get a feel for who you are. I know I do something similar, but I only see it through my own eyes, and I have no idea if it comes across as well as yours. I mean, sorry of course, that you are feeling like this at the moment; it was just very impactful writing.

    I can’t possibly guess why you feel how you feel. It might be a bit of burn-out. You are so damn busy all the time, I marvel at where you find the energy. Sooner or later you may feel the need to just quit anything non-essential for a bit and, yeah, watch crap TV as much as possible until your energy levels pick up again. I’ve had burnout. When it hits hard, it’s severe. You’re listening to your body and that’s a good thing. I ignored mine and ended up in bed for a month, like an invalid. If your body wants to rest, that’s fine. If your brain wants to rest, that’s fine.

    If that’s not it, it could be a general disillusionment with the injustices of life, money, work, etc. You sound fed up. It’s not fun, but it’s ok. You’re entitled to feel fed up, like the frog up there! The fact that you can find images like that online means that a lot of people feel like you do, so you’re normal. I think that’s a good thing. I’m sure it will pass as long as you take care of yourself, and give yourself what you need. *hugs*


    • Thank you love! I”m glad you like the new additions to my blog. I hope to keep writing in my diary. Its a bit liberating cause i don’ censor myself like i do when i write on my blog. I’m feeling better but not there yet. No use feeling miserable when it doesnt change the situations. So, i’m trying to just go with the flow and duck the punches life throws at me.


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