Runaway (Swift Expression Blog Challenge)

Posted: March 23, 2013 in Swift Expression, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Runaway Train-Soul Asylum

This post is in response to the Blog Challenge by Tilda Swift at her blog, Swift Expression. It is my entry for number  9 .If any of my readers derives inspiration from this post and would like to do something similar on their own blog, please provide full credit to the owner of the original Blog Challenge (as stated above) to abide by copyright laws.

The Challenge:
9. There is a song called “Runaway Train” by Soul Asylum. You can listen to the song if you like, but it isn’t necessary. If you like, you may watch the video (with lyrics) below and choose any other lyrics from the same song instead. The objective is to focus on the lyrics, and not whether or not you like the song.Write about what those lyrics mean to you, and whether you have ever identified with them now or in the past.

Lyric Set 1

“Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning”
shutterstock_108867218

This first set of lyric sticks with me. Maybe because it’s so aesthetically appealing. Mostly it reminds me of myself during my “coming of age” flow-y spirit days. It has a touch of oddness , of being different.  This stanza calls to me and being young and a little free spirited. Not many people “got” me. I was a little off key. Marched to the sound of my own beat. But just like everyone else I wanted others to march with me sometimes. Sometimes I needed a little help. But mostly others just didn’t understand. ” I was a key that could use a little turning” really resonated with me. That’s all I wanted. I didn’t want a horde of friends to encourage my every move. Simple someone to hug me when I cross the finish line. I didn’t want a knight and shining armor , simply wanted a strong man able to lift me off my  OWN horse and help take the armor after being too tired from fighting my own fights.  I spent most of my high school days being me, and I wouldn’t change it, not for a second. But this set of lyric really spoke to me, the longing yet still the acceptance of the way things are but still a little fight left. “call you up in the middle of the night” I was never one to play games and If I wanted something I went for it, different and all. I wasn’t scared of rejection. And i damn sure wasn’t going to twirl my hair and bat my eyelashes trying to drop  a hint i thought a boy was cute. No, no . That’s not me. I went straight up to them and asked THEM out. Feisty little thing I was LOL.

Lyric Set 2

“Promised myself I wouldn’t weep
One more promise I couldn’t keep”

 

This set of lyric really hits home. I know i mentioned here on my blog how I am too kind. I’m caring almost to a fault. I KNOW when people are flakes or fake. I know when they use me. Yet i let them. Time and time again. I made that promise to myself countless times to myself. I broke it every time.  I know i mentioned before my ex relationship was a bit toxic. Every time we fought, broke up ( yes that kind of relationship break up and make up every other day) I would say that’s the end, I won’t cry, I can’t fix this. I would bawl my eyes out, he would apologize we would be good for a day or two and then someone hit the repeat button.  That’s the problem with me. I”m loyal to a fault. Even when you don’t warrant my loyalty , you probably got it. I’m like that abused dog. No matter how many times you yell at it and kick it and mistreat it. It still loves you. It still tries to pleases you. With my past relationships, most of them were wrong from the start. But, I wanted to fix it. I wanted to put the effort.  All i would accomplish would to break the promise I made to myself, to not weep. What i know now, having been in a positive relationship for almost 6 years. Relationships shouldn’t need fixing. If it needs to be fixed, it’s the wrong fit. The two aren’t meant to be together. There is a difference between working together, learning together, growing together. Most importantly STANDING together when things get tough. But fix? No.  You can’t fix what wasn’t meant to be.

Lyric Set 3

“Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track”


This set of lyric reminds me SO much of myself growing up. This one jumped off the screen at me. I felt and still do feel like I need to runaway. If I wasn’t a thinker and a planner and a constant worrier I just might actually do it. Pack the hubby and my doggie and drag them on a train to an unknown destination. Start over. Start fresh. But, like i said above, I care too much. I’m loyal.  But so often I feel like I’m  going ” the wrong way on a one way track”.  I feel lost alot. I feel stuck. Mostly stuck. Like I wrote about in my last “dear journal” entry, I feel stuck. Out of options. Fed up. I know staying in this situation isn’t want I want. I want to be independent, with a decent paying job. I want to go back to school, get  a degree. I want to have my own place with my hubby and my doggie. Yet, it’s all so far away. I know i will get that… in time. But, for now? It seems everything I do is just going down the wrong way of a street.

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Comments
  1. Great post. I hope you get everything you want…. really. And you’re right about the relationships should not need fixing thing.

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  2. tfaswift says:

    I didn’t see this one!! I’m so sorry! I will read it and re-blog tomorrow. Am I mistaken in thinking that you have already completed 10 parts of the Challenge? I’m so tired, I can’t go searching now to verify that, but if you have, then you don’t need to do the arts and crafts. You get the Trendsetter Award for completing 10 out 12 parts of the Challenge, provided you answer both numbers 11 and 12. So you may have done one extra more than you needed to. By all means, if you want to finish all 12 parts, then feel free, but if you have done everything except 4 and 12, then you can skip number 4 if you like.

    I’ll read this tomorrow … typing with one eye closed, I’m so tired! LOL. xx

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    • Awe! I hope you got some sleep missy! Yes I have completed 10 parts. The only ones I am missing is number 4 the arts and crafts one and number 12 the reflection. I would like to do both but for number 4 for it may be belated. Cause I do want to do an arts and crafts little project but between work and my grandpa in the hospital I’m not sure I will have the time. I work today so I’m going to hand write my reflection for number 12 today before work during my quiet time while I drink coffee and psych myself up for work lol.

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  3. tfaswift says:

    Oh Tasha, that’s a sad post. I hope you can at least see some light at the end of the tunnel (no pun intended). I know you really want to go back to school and get a degree. Is there a plan of action, or just going with the flow for the time being? You deserve all your dreams to come true; you certainly work hard enough, and you are so kind-hearted. That was a really good post. Very honest and touching.

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    • No plan yet 😦 Just a general hope and pray for more hours at work, or land a second job. Most important for this goal is to save up for tuition ( after I save up for Bianca’s vet visit). So once I have enough money saved for one semester I plan to apply to schools and when accepted still work and go to school . I’m trying hard to avoid student loans. That’s a last resort. I plan on paying the first semester in full and saving up while going to school for a monthly payment plan for the rest of the semesters. But, i may say the hell with it and just go take out a student loan and go back to school. But right now I don’t make enough money for much of anything. Basically my earnings pay for transportation to and from work and food for a couple days.

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      • tfaswift says:

        I realise this is none of my business really, and that few people go in this direction, BUT, I thought I’d mention it just in case you might be interested and hadn’t thought of it. Many adults don’t have the time/resources to get their degree but they really want to, so they study through the OU. It’s totally accredited and I think it’s very flexible in terms of which courses/how many/how much time/spreading the cost, etc. And since it’s mostly home study, you can do your reading and assignments wherever and whenever.

        I knew someone who did a degree in Psychology via the UK Open University. She had to go off for a week I think for some kind of intensive workshop once or twice a year, but otherwise she studied from home or work. Exams are all properly organised and supervised so it’s all legit. Even for someone who wanted to go to an actual school but couldn’t right now due to various reasons, the OU courses all have credits. Those credits can be transferred to a regular on-campus style school because they are fully accredited. So that could, for example, knock a year off the on-campus study time having already completed a few OU courses. Anyway, just an idea. Feel free to ignore. I know it’s a very personal choice. xx

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        • Open University I think we just call it Online Classes/Colleges in the states but Open university sounds so much nicer! I have this option in the back of my mind as a backup plan because I imagine working two jobs to PAY for college wont leave much time for actual college attending. So i may HAVE to do online courses. But, in the states its hard to find accredited online schools and the ones I know are good are far away. While its 97% online you still have to show up for workshop or meeting every now and then . I’ve been meaning to research online schools more thoroughly see what’s available but have been lazy. I do prefer to go to an actual campus because I learn alot from others and the interactions and you can build a network that way too. Jobs do prefer actual campus schools than online schools but any degree is better than no degree. So, it is an option! Thank you for taking the time to give this advice. It is great advice. I think I would be really great in online classes. I would fly right through the course work. When I was in English classes in college I would read the assigned book in a day or two and have to re-read it with the class for half the semester it was a bit torturous LOL.

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          • tfaswift says:

            You’re very welcome. I have absolutely no doubt that you would be brilliant at self-study which is why I mentioned it. I know what you mean about jobs liking an on-campus degree, so if you do end up doing something online, if you can find something accredited, then you can transfer it later to an on-campus place. That way you still get the degree from the on-campus school but can skip a year or something by building up credits beforehand online. I guess it’s just a question of finding a place with credits that can be transferred, if you choose to go that route. Good luck with everything!

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  4. tfaswift says:

    Oh I just checked and it seems like the OU is *only* in the UK. Well, if that’s something you’d be interested in, I’m sure there must be American equivalents.

    Like

  5. Katie Renee says:

    This is a fantastic entry! I laughed during the first part, I asked guys out too. If they don’t have the confidence, I’ll supply it. At least that’s what I’ve done in the past and probably will do in the future. Old habits die hard. 😉 As for being a free spirit, that is one of the most important qualities to have as far as I’m concerned. There are far too many “cookie cutter” people out there. Someone needs to bring a little something different to keep life interesting. Congrats on finding your man and I agree with you. If a relationship needs a lot of fixing, it’s probably not meant to be. If I had a nickel for every time my Mom has looked at me and said “Katie, it’s not meant to be that hard. Good Lord child!” I’d be very wealthy indeed!

    As for feeling lost and stuck, I felt that way. Well, I still feel that way to an extent. Sometimes a little change is a good thing. I know the most important change I’ve made recently is my employment… My last job was toxic and my current one is quite an improvement, but I had to work at it for a really long time. Sending resumes, emails, popping in to talk to the office manager, oh… and I made an appointment with the doctor just to talk about it. And I was told “no” time and time again until one day out of the blue, he got desperate. And he told me two days ago that I am the best hire he’s ever had. I guess that rambling paragraph can be condensed into: keep trying for anything you really want because you’ll get it when you least expect it. But it’s way worth it. You’re amazing, so all you need to do it get your foot in the door and you can take it from there… no matter if you are talking about school, jobs, or even books. Hardest part is getting started, then you get sucked in. 🙂

    Great post, and I hope all is well!

    Like

    • You are so right. The hard part is staying positive and to keep trying. I think I can kick it up in that department because I haven’t been SERIOUSLY applying to other jobs. Just the random submission here and there.

      All is alright! Hope you are well too!

      Thank you for visiting and I’m loving your commenting spree on my blog 🙂

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