5.Create your nemesis. After you have described your nemesis in detail, describe at least one new thing that you have discovered about your own personality by doing this.

This post is in response to the Blog Challenge by Tilda Swift at her blog, Swift Expression. It is my entry for number 5. If any of my readers derives inspiration from this post and would like to do something similar on their own blog, please provide full credit to the owner of the original Blog Challenge (as stated above) to abide by copyright laws.

 

I’ve been trying to tackle this challenge for a while without much luck. But, I think I was going at it the wrong way. I kept trying to think of a person or entity that emulates everything I dislike.  But, now I’m thinking I should take a closer look at what it is I actually dislike , more importantly what it is I stand for and someone or something would like to challenge.  I should explore THAT and  that would make it easier to see what all those qualities personify.

First let me give you my interpretation of a nemesis. I believe a nemesis isn’t necessarily an enemy (though most of the time very well is) but the polar opposite in belief of everything you are trying to succeed in. Something that tries to sabotage you or others for person gain or see you fall and thrives off it. A bully. A parasite.  Someone or something that likes to weave a tangled web and pull strings until everything falls entangled in their twisted decrepit plan.

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A nemesis is a person that smiles in your face. Hugs you and croons praise to you all the while hating you silently.  They ready a knife waiting for a perfect strike in the back. Better yet, they don’t like to get their hands dirty at all. They spread rumors, gossip and false hood. They are the ultimate obstacle to everything you want to achieve.

I believe in hard work. I believe in struggles. I don’t hold your lifestyle against you but again I don’t hold much respect for those of a life of privilege.  Having everything paved for you. Served on  a silver platter. I don’t believe in statues but it predominates in today’s society. It’s not fair in my eyes because I believe in work ethic. I believe in starting at the bottom and working your way up. I believe we all have to put our time in.  But, it’s knowing that someone is working hard and praying to get what you have and it is taken for granted. That lack of true understanding worth.

But, I also believe we struggle and work hard to achieve whatever it is we seek ,without using other people as  stepping boards. We do not wish them unwell or harbor jealously in our hearts. Sure, I’m not perfect. Like I said before I don’t LIKE those that didn’t work for what they have or those that have it easier or those that have luck time and time again. I don’t judge them or hold it against it. I am happy for them. It’s just goes against the work ethic I believe in. It’s just my personal belief it’s not HOW things are supposed to work.  I believe you do good things and good things come to you. But, sadly, good things happen to bad people too. I’m not saving every bad person in the world has this perfect life, perfect job and everyone that has those things never worked for it. No. I’m just saying I’ve witnessed countless people not have to work their asses off and then walk around with that sense of entitlement.  Sure, I’m happy for your success and to keep what you have is certainly hard work. But entitled? No one is entitled. Not even the kindest person in the whole wide world is entitled.

So, yes I believe in work ethic. I don’t care if you’re working for a fortune 500 company or at a McDonalds.  You do your job. You do it right and you do it well.

Bullying is another thing I don’t stand for. Bullying and judgment.  I thought that stuff ended when you left the halls of high school. But, it continues on into adulthood sadly. It just takes a different form. A form of manipulative and vindictive people. I can’t stand people that lie and cheat and pull strings of others to bid their every desire. I try my best to mind my own business.  I try to do my best and try to encourage other people to do their best no matter if that would give them a one up on me. Like at work? I always credit other people. I never snitch out who went over their break. I don’t steal other’s customers (someone stole my credit app the other day I was so pissed!).  I help others even though it’s not my particular section I’m working that day. I can’t stand people that use other people to gain an advantage.

So what it boils down to I believe in having work ethic and honor and being humble.

My version of a nemesis is a person that tries to uproot those beliefs. Tries to sabotage my peace. My nemesis would feel envy of my virtue and jealous of my optimism.  They would belittle me and judge me.

My mother.  A picture of my mother is clear as day in my head. My nemesis is my mother.

I love my mother I do. She does have a good heart, deep down. But she is so driven by money and greed. She has a sense of entitlement. I know it’s hard working your way to the top and being knocked down to the bottom and having to work your way up again. I know it’s hard having invested and lost every hard earned penny. I know it’s hard carrying the burden of a family.  But, good intentions isn’t what drives her. I know she does love us, her kids and does want the best for us. But her motivation is her reputation.  Her reputation.  Her image. How others see her. I’ve seen my mother give and be kinder to work people or strangers than she is to her own family. I’ve heard her judge and judge and never taken a look in the mirror at herself.

To her, everything I do isn’t good enough.  No matter what it is, it isn’t good enough. School.  Care-taking for her husband. All the housekeeping and chores and errands I do for her.  My job. My relationship. All of it. It’s never enough.  All that matters is the number of my bank account or more importantly the amount of money I’m giving her.

And that’s why I think a person like that, like my mother, is my nemesis . To be consumed by greed and money hungry. To be so unhappy and unsupportive. To smile in someone’s face and talk about them behind their back. To be so envious and jealous and never wish well on another person. To want all that and never take a second to be thankful for what you do have. That’s a sad, sad way to live and such a negative effect on everyone  around it. It’s like a sink hole.  Sucking you in without the decency to spit you back out once it’s used and abused and you.

 

My nemesis is a person I never want to become.
I’m not perfect. I don’t mean to depict myself that way. But writing this I realize I really am a person with good character. I don’t wish people unwell. I’m happy for them. I don’t envy them. I’m not jealous of them. I guess I just get sad and frustrated sometimes when people haven’t earned it or worked for it.  It’s very therapeutic to know and realize how strongly I believe in work ethic. I so often feel and am lazy. Take today for instance, I haven’t left the house at all and stayed in PJS all day. I did do laundry.  But, that was the extent to my activities. I felt a little bit lazy. But writing this, I realized I do like to work. I do like to work hard. I do like earning by working for it.  Before writing this I knew I believed in working for what you want but I didn’t know how vehemently so I believed this.

It’s nice to know I have this foundation. Yeah I have been feeling stuck but I AM working hard and I will keep working hard. It helps me see a light at the end of the tunnel, to end the funk I’ve been.

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Comments
  1. tfaswift says:

    That’s absolutely brilliant, Tasha. It’s so interesting how you ended up with your mother … I have to get ready for my workshop now, so I’ll leave more detailed feedback later and do the re-blog. Such a good post, and really insightful. xx

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  2. It is so interesting how many of us have the mother-nemesis thing going on. Great post.

    I am the same, can’t abide two-faced people. And also… my mother is the same with the reputation thing. To the point when she can be downright hurtful… for instance… insisting I keep my lesbianism a secret as it would be embarrassing for her. (Why, lord knows)… and everything is a pretence. It’s not a happy way to be. And those things don’t really matter, what other people think of you, which I am still struggling with myself, if I’m honest… I suppose that may be where I got it from, my insecurities lol.

    Regarding the working hard, that’s a tricky subject for me, because I do so very much enjoy in many ways… working, I find it rewarding, hard work, feel a sense of accomplishment… all that. Or at least I did, before everything seemed to become a hundred times harder.

    I tidied the living room today, it has been full of crap from when my parents dumped a lot of stuff with me as they emptied the house after selling it, not crap, useful crap, you know. And believe me it was a very big deal for me to make a start on it LOL. I’d been sitting in a space of 2 square feet for the past few weeks!

    Still, well done you, and it is truly evident how hard you work…. let alone dealing with your husband and brain cancer and all the million and one other things you have to deal with!!

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    • It’s funny how we all have mommie issues LOL

      I’m sorry to hear about your mom being UN-accepting about liking the ladies. Really I don’t get it. I hope she comes around and is less hurtful to you. HUGS.

      I am lazy my nature but when I’m working on something or at work I bust my butt off. But when I’m home I’m content to bum around the house lol. I like it a little too much actually thats why I was worried I was just full blown lazy because how content I am to do nothing. But, i think its because I never have the time to do nothing for long periods of time. I think i need a vacation for like a week where I’m just a coach potato and then I would get so sick of it and tired of doing nothing. We want what we cant have and i never seem to have the freedom to be lazy which makes me want it more. Makes sense? I think so. I just psychoanalyzed my self lol.

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  3. Interesting:

    Nemesis struggles/ To keep you from becoming/ Anything you want/ #haiku

    Sent from iPhone

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  4. […] Nemesis ( Swift Expression Blog Challenge). […]

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  5. tfaswift says:

    Hi Tasha, what you’re describing about yourself sounds a lot like something that we were talking about in one of my earlier workshops. For people who’s mothers are “never satisfied” and always finding fault no matter how hard we try, people tend to go in one of two directions – they either believe it and give up and have low self-esteem; or they become really driven and push themselves extra hard (to try to prove their mother wrong). They may become perfectionists and possibly self-critical with really high expectations of themselves.

    This “proving the mother wrong” may be a conscious or unconscious thing, but it often happens when people feel that their mother doesn’t appreciate anything they do. It’s a difficult situation because it does make you feel “lazy” if you’re not pushing yourself to the limit, but that’s most likely not accurate (being “lazy”). I see it as a blessing and a curse – it can really help you to do well in life because you are so highly motivated and hard-working, but it can also cause exhaustion and a feeling of frustration because you might never get that mom-approval that your heart is hoping for. But if you can strike a balance where you are happy with your *own* approval of yourself and use that fuel to drive you in life in a healthy way, (allowing yourself time for rest and to feel good about your accomplishments), then you can be a shining star and a great success at anything you do. 🙂

    Thank you so much for your excellent, honest and insightful entry. The teddy bear … oh my. LOL. You certainly have a bit of a dark streak in you! 😉

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    • Who knew we carry so many “mommie issues”? I knew when I was a teen I felt neglected and pressured to gain my parents approval but somewhere along the way i said eh, it’s not worth the hassle. BUt writing this i realized its always there, deep down, to want your parents to be proud and supportive. But, i was talking to my manager ( i confided in him how it’s sad work is my vacation from life and so he keeps checking up on me and giving me suggestions for “me” time) and he asked about my mother and because of some information I found out about her bank account ( she is hording money) it gave me that little push to drop that extra baggage. Her approval, respect, pride, supportive … it wont mean much. It doesnt hold much value anymore. Not from someone with that character. I don’t want or need it. It’s a little liberating to feel that way.

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  6. Rose Petals on Rock says:

    Almost pissed myself when I saw the murdered bear and not in the good haha way. 😦 Cool post though and OMG do we all have mother issues or what????????????? We should just start a freakin club.

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  7. Katie Renee says:

    Another great entry. I know what you are saying… motivation is great but being motivated by money is bad. It makes you sacrifice people that love and care about you to get ahead. I’ve done it, I’m guilty. I was absent for many years from my family because I was chasing the almighty dollar. I watch myself but it’s easy to slip right back into that habit. Money doesn’t solve anything and reputations can be trashed in a heartbeat. I think you are making a great choice by lessening the impact that your mom has on you, but she might come around one day. She also might not, but I know I got my butt royally owned and that taught me a lesson in what and who is really important.

    Great post, great thoughts, fantastic entry. There is a brave honesty to this and a beautiful realism. I love your attitude towards struggles… they are motivators, not indications to give up and stop moving forward.

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    • Thank you so much Katie. It really is a fear of mine ..that I will throw people under the bus to better my own desires. I’m surrounded by it and feeling and being stuck I know everyone has a breaking point and I hope I never end up like that.

      There is a difference though in putting yourself first, and being a selfish by not letting others take advantage of you.

      I just hope I’m smart enough to always know the difference.

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