Another time around (2)

We were rushed to triage and given a bed right away. It was all so surreal. The beeps of monitors just faded from memory and it was crushing all the walls I’ve built.

Worry and fear were paralyzing.

But, i stayed strong and positive for my love.

I stood by his side in the hospital and held his hand. He was in an extreme amount of pain from the seizure. He couldn’t move his legs much.

I sat patiently in a chair when they took him for a CT scan.

We goofed around and took pictures of him flipping off the IV , they pumped him full of anti-seizure medication,

Hours went by. Finally a neurologist came to see us. He told us the CT scan was promising, it didn’t show anything outstanding. He diagnosed Omar with epilepsy.

We were ushered out the ER with a prescription and an appointment with the neurologist.

The first thing that happened after pulling up in the driveway was Omar falling out of the car. He didn’t have control of his  legs.  He fell a few more times trying to make it to the room, even with me trying to support him.

I set him up and we dug out his cane and off i ran. I had to fill his prescription and it was Sunday.  I ended up going to three pharmacies before i found one that  had the medication.

It was one of the longest weeks of our lives. Tuesday was the appointment with neurologist. He wrote us scripts and arranged for an MRI that friday.  Friday we went for the MRI.

The following Tuesday we go for a follow up visit for the results of the MRI.

We had a fun morning. Went to the mall and went to Toys R Us. Omar got some action figures. We waited in the waiting room for awhile.  When we finally walked into the doctors office he was busily typing away and taking phone calls. He leaves the office to find a chair for me, there was only one in the office which Omar was sitting in.

After I was settle , he still was fidgeting around.

Finally he tells us to go back to the hospital for copies of the MRI. He started telling us his assistant is making appointments for us, an appointment for a surgeon .

I stop him and bluntly ask him why a surgeon and questioned him what he found on the MRI. I straight out ask him if Omar’s cancer is back, if he has tumor regrowth.

The doctor could barely look us in the face when he said yes, they found something.  He told us to consult the surgeon and the surgeon will decide a treatment plan, if surgery  is necessary  or first step. Or if chemo and radiation again then surgery. A surgeon will give their expert advice.

I held it together.

I held it together throughout the doctor visit and retrieval of records.  I held it together in the cab home.

When we came home, i shattered.

I cried. My soul cried.

And I’ve been crying on and off ever since.

My hubby, my love has a re-occurrence of his brain cancer.

And i feel so heartbroken this is happening to him again.

And angry.

So , very angry .