Day One: Discuss your current relationship
The hubby and I have been together for almost 9 years. Fun Fact, even though I call him my hubby we are not officially married. I mean, we made common law several years ago, but married officially with a wedding license? We have not officially tied the knot.
We got engaged back in 2010. Back then, i was finishing my AA degree in a community college just the same time when my dad fell ill. My dad was in a nursing here for a short stint after his heart attack because he needed IV treatments everyday. The hubby and I, like everyday, went to visit him. My dad had a private room because of his super awesome people skills( sarcasm). My dad was sitting up on his bed and the hubby was sitting adjacent to the bed chit chatting with my dad. I was on the other side of the room fiddling with the wheel chair. I was idly wheeling back and forth in place while the two chit chatted.
The hubby suddenly goes to ask my dad:
Hubby: “Jim I wanted to asked you something”
Dad: “Sure what is it?”
Hubby: ” I wanted to ask your permission for Tash’s hand in marriage, would that be alright for you?”
At this point my hand jerked on the wheel chair and i rolled myself suddenly across the room into the open bathroom several feet in front of me.
Dad: ” Of course! I don’t got a problem with it! You gotta make sure Tash doesn’t have a problem with it.”
Hubby: ” Babe you got a problem with it?”
Me: trying to wheel myself backwards out the bathroom: ” HUHhh, nooo I don’t got a problem with it!”
Hubby and Dad resume chit chatting.
After we left the nursing home the hubby and I was walking up to the bus stop to take the bus home. I asked him if he was serious. He was like
Hubby: “yup, will you marry me?”
Me: ” Well , yeah!”
Hubby : “cool then we’re getting married. ”
And that was that. That’s how we got engaged . The bus arrived and we got on the bus and shared quiet comments of annoyances of the school kids around us. Later when we got home we spoke about it some more and then we spread the word to family , friends and social media.
It wasn’t a big grand spectacular fiasco. But, i adore our engagement story. It’s so real life and true to our personalities. The hubby is such a matter of fact guy , always to the point , bold and no frills. It was random, and yet at the same time it wasn’t random. It fit. It was perfect to us. I loved that technically I was proposed to at a bus stop that we frequent. It was all so NYC to me.
I don’t like rings and I stated long before he proposed that i opt out for an engagement ring and in its place when we have our first place of our own he build me a bookcase/library fitting for the space.
At this point in our lives, it was before the hubby fell ill. We were ready to go to city hall and tie the knot. We wanted to wait until my dad was recovered. Also, the hubby was interested in enlisting and and I wanted to see my dad through before I became a traveling army wife.
But what ended up happening is the hubby fell ill. This was when the hubby had his first seizure attack and we discovered he had stage three brain cancer , oligodendroglioma.
Then marriage became a tax issue. If we were to marry, the hubby would not qualify for health issue. His access to medical insurance was and is way more important.
All his medical staff adored us as a engaged couple. Doctor’s often give me orders to ensure the hubby keeps his appointments and when they think the hubby is sugar coating his symptoms they turn to me and ask me what he is holding back. They not only cared for the hubby but extended the care and affection to me as well.
It’s been five years, and the hubby fell ill again last year and had a second brain surgery. When we reunited with all his medical staff that treated him the first time they were all surprised we were still engaged. “Is this the never ending engagement?!”
Oddly enough, it doesn’t bother me. I know it bothers the hubby sometimes, he’s a tad bit old school and wants to make an honest woman out of me. But, to me? I don’t need a marriage license. We are married. In every way possible. The bond and connection we have can not be denied and i don’t need to check off a little box that says married to feel validated about my relationship.
He’s my poopie head, now and Always.