Posts Tagged ‘goals’

Marooned

Posted: June 12, 2016 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,
image

Aruba

Day 13: A place you want to visit. Pictures will express my dream vacation.

image

Hawaii

image

Tropical island

image

Tropical island

image

Hidden beaches

image

Portugal

image

Mexico

image

Dubai

image

Hawaii

image

Tropical beach

3f72ebe09aca0347da4d48bd2a6a6167
Day Two: Where would you like to be in ten years?
The vision for the future is ever changing.
          Surrounded by meadows of wheat and wild flowers with country’s miles away from another soul.flowers, field, wild, country, country living, life

Quaint one family ranch house with a backyard of grass for the dogs to run.

mediterranean, backyard, suburbs ,

15th floor penthouse view overlooking the New York City skyline.
nyc, ny , new york, penthouse, view, city , city live, condos

Fluidity of wants and needs are forever overlapping like a wave crescendo . In tens years from now…. I’m not sure what shores I will wash upon.

I can see myself sweeping pollen off my porch steps yet at the same time I can see myself drinking martini’s on a rooftop. To me, home is where the heart is. heart, happy, happiness, love, home
I know no matter where the vasts oceans of life takes me, I will be happy as long as the people I love most are with me. So ten years from now where do I see myself ? I couldn’t say where I will be living nor what career I would have. I can say though, ten years from now, wherever I end up…
I will be happy.

happy, happiness, peace

Effortless

Somethings in life are hard. So gut wrenching , back breaking , mind numbing, incredibly hard.

But, rare few gems of life are effortless.

I try my hardest each day when life’s struggles are pressing me down to stop struggling. Take a step aside to the things that effortless.

Like love.

Loving the hubby. Loving my furbaby. My love for reading books. My love of hiding under a blanket fort.

Those things are easy. They come effortlessly.

But these things that come effortless, they hold the most value and substance in our life. Job is stressful. Bills have to be paid. Groeceries to be bought. Medicine to be picked up. Laundry to be done….

All those are meaningless and replaceable at the end of the day.

Which is why my new years goal was to spend quality time each day with the hubby, read if only for a few pages and to blog daily.

Essentially my goal is to put the effort towards things that are effortless. To put my engery into love.

Please visit Linda’s blog for Just Jot It Jan rules and to join in.
http://lindaghill.com/2016/01/11/just-jot-it-january-11th-effortless/

It went well

Posted: January 15, 2015 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

So I did it. I braved the fierce winter storm and journied two hours in the early hours of the morning. I arrived at a massive building and as the snow melted off my jacket and my limbs thawed out I felt so elated. I did it.

I went to the interview.  It went amazingly.  I just feel so happy and proud of myself. Just for going. For making the effort.

^ I wrote that last week and never published it.

I was called backed for a second interview which I had yesterday.  I don’t even have the words to express how much I enjoyed it. Interview aside, I made memories that will last me forever.

This second interview was a day long event. I arrived at the center( center for disabled adults, mostly mentally challenged) and was paired with a employee and her group. We stayed in and worked on self advocacy worksheets so I worked one on one mentoring style with several people. Afterwards we went outside and did some recycling.  Honestly I cant remember the last time I had so much fun.

I forgot it was an interview.

When we returned from outside we had another interview, four of us in a group which I felt went really well.

Its a really long interview process. I’m up to the background check and fingerprinting and they want atleast four references. So, that’s where I’m at with this process. If fingerprinting and background check is cleared then they decide on the individuals they want to hire.

Ya’ll,  I really loved it. I know this job will have its challenges.  It wont always be easy. But, just from the four hours I spent there I really connected with the people and felt thrilled, like I was doing something that mattered. I’m still in a good mood from yesterday.

I don’t know if I will get the job. All I know is I loved it. 

Frozen , Adult Version Parody

Sometimes in life things just pile up. For a while now, a long while now… I’ve been in the denial/ ignorance is bliss mindset. Out of sight, out of mind. I’ve let things pile up and up and up.

You see, when I was 22 and shit first hit the fan with my dad getting sick and becoming his primary care taker and not continuing on with school to stay home and help out… I was thrust into the adult role. I was the calm rational one. Shortly after the hubby fell ill with his Brain Cancer. And it’s been a ping pong back and forth and back and forth.

But you know what, it was always immediate action. It’s like the forms you fill out at the doctor’s office or on a job application. Just a check off a little box if it applies. That’s what it was like running the household and being a caretaker, everything was immediate and instant. Someone was sick. Get them help. Have a symptom, get it treated. Keep them alive, right now. Set up appointments/treatments, get them there.  Check Check Check. Everything was clear and concise.

It was all very precise in a weird way.

When i started working, it was out of desperation. I needed some money to buy basic everyday things. With my dad medically retiring and my hubby out on disability there wasn’t much money coming in. And my dad and hubby were well enough to be able to not die for a several hours while I was away at work.

So that was me, the calm and rational one. I got things done. I took care of everyone and everything.

I realized i had no end game. I had no plan. And I’ve let myself become stuck in the everyday continuous monotony of life.

I’m no longer calm and rational.

And I realized it’s because i don’t have the immediate intensity pressuring me anymore. Sure, alot is still on my shoulders. I still take care of my dad and my hubby. But, there are no longer ( knocks on wood , don’t want to jinx anything) in immediate danger of dying.

So we reached the long-term state of things and I haven’t the slightest fucking clue of what to do. For them. For myself.

And my job. My lovely fucking job. Maybe it was the people, or maybe it’s just I’m so caring. No really, not sarcastic. I care. It’s my greatest flaw. I care about those fucks in that store even though I don’t want too. And being in my own “department” it invoked this sense of pride and territorial possessiveness. But all of that, I was content. I liked my job.

I fell complacent in that role.

But recently, hours cuts, favoritism running rampant in the store and just bullshit politics I’ve had enough.

So my bubble of bliss and ignorance burst.
And I said

FUCK IT all, like the song says.

 

I actually called out of work one day. Me. Never late, never missed a day. I called out. With the hubby and his insurance issues and his health and the government trying to turn of his disability… I hate to walk into that store and have petty work politics stressing me out. It all just resonated within me and finally my bubble of bliss burst.

The last connection I hate to that store has been severed.

I let it go. The emotional connection I used to have. It’s gone.

It’s all gone.

 

I let it go.

Now, I’m left with this emptiness, this uncertainty of what the fuck am I doing with my life. What do i want to do. What will make me happy?

I have no clue.

But I’m no longer being complacent about it. I’m not walking around in a bubble anymore.

I now opened up opportunities for myself t be proactive.

We only get one life. We have to make it matter.

SO.

Fuck it all.

Be happy.

I have one thought every January 1st… how long will it take me this year to stop writing 2012 and start writing 2013 when i write the date? Lol.
Happy New Year Everyone!
new_years_20130101085901_320_240

New-Yorks-Times-SquareAlot more negative than positive happened 2012 but, the positive in it made it all worth while and shined bright enough to light up the dark. 2012 was a difficult year but 2011 was worse since that was the year my hubby was first diagnosed with Brain Cancer.  He has come a long way down the path of recovery and that alone made this a marvelous year.

This year is starting off on a good note. I’m in better health thanks to my diet thing from the summer. I’ve met and gained some valuable friends here on word press. I have my little retail job. I partied it up last night too. The ball dropped at midnight and by 12:10 I was suffering from alcohol induced regurgitation …lol. What a way to start the new year. But, it was great. I’m only a little bit hung over 😉 Plus, i get to spend the day being coddled in bed with the hubby.

Every year I make a resolution. Sometimes i follow through with them, most of the time I do not. So this year I didn’t make a list of resolutions. I set goals for myself.

In no particular order these are my goals

possible

1) Find another job
My job has officially decided to keep me, but it’s real limited hours. One – two days a week about 10-15 hours.  For several months until the next batch of holidays when things get busy again (around March they said).
2)Save money for the future
Yes, I am young, but i need to start planning ahead. Retirement funds. Medical funds. While the hubby has health insurance now, with his cancer he will need life-long insurances. Sure, when I have a career I’m sure we can get on a plan and what not but, there is always out-of-pocket expenses . This has to be factored into our savings which is non-existent at this time. Also, I want to have a dental fund….my parents teeth are jacked. My mother has caps, no real teeth. My teeth are good now, but they are so sensitive. I flossed yesterday, very quickly and gently and not even going deep( ate ribs, was just checking to make sure I didn’t have stuff suck between my teeth) and my gums were sore for hours. I don’t want to live pay check to pay check.

3) Get back into school
I think i’m ditching the plan of getting a certification that is universal and transferable to different states, like medical billing and coding. I think I’m just going to go back to school for my BA. I wanted to get a certification to get a better paying job where i can afford to do payment plans to pay my way through college. I didn’t want to do student loans. But, I had a talk with my mother and she was like it’s just wasting time. And i feel the same way in my heart. Precious time. We figure If i get back into school I can finish in 2-3 years depending on the major i pick for my BA around the same time my parents are moving to North Carolina. That way, I have the choice of  relocation with them, to Texas with the hubby’s family or staying behind in NY. With a BA it won’t be easy, but its more likely in getting a CAREER  vs a job and a better chance of being independent and overall giving me choices and options.  Plus, i love school! I want to go all the way to PHD.
4) Have a concrete plan to becoming independent
I need more than this list of goals. I need to do research, research schools. Research job markets. Track job openings. And i also need to act out some of these goals.. ie saving. So, i have the goals I need to plan and act accordingly. Set time limits.

5) Drive ( I do have  a driving license but the last time i drove was 3 years ago, the day of my road test).

6) Get back on my health thing
See my Diet Blog.

7) Write in my journal, write on my blog and improve my writing

8) Read more

9)Make a difference
I want to volunteer more. It’s been a long time.

10) Stop smoking.
I have quit several times before, the longest was over a year …before my hubby got sick and through the bulk of his treatment. I picked it up again when I was on vacation visiting the in-laws  and the hubby told me to go for it, have my vices while I am young. But, i have real desire to quit this time, for good. I’m disgusted with it. Disgusted with the wasted money. But what really was my reality check, I was shopping in my store and I saw this really incredible Breast Cancer Awareness tee-shirt. It was beautiful! I then realized it would be a special level of douche -ness if I wore the shirt. I smoke. Smoking and wearing a cancer awareness shirt? That’s a big f you to all people battling Cancer. Yes, my hubby has cancer but he has a different perspective with it all and he is entitled to it. He feels regret he never part took in casual smoking, experimentation with weed and stuff and rarely even drank. He was so straight edge. He seemingly got Cancer for no other reason but genetics. He believes if you are going to get cancer, there is no stopping it, like with him. So, might as well do the things you enjoy when we have our health and youth. I understood this and it did ease my feelings. But, seeing that beautiful tee-shirt on the rack and having to leave it there and walk away…. i was just disgusted. There was no comfort for that.

DP0926201220513079C.tif DP0726201213033510M.tif

I couldn’t find the shirt I found in store, but these are two other ones. So pretty.
P.s. all images plucked from google images!