A Work Over

I miss the days when waking up with your liver hurting was simply a badge earned from a weekend long escapade of drinking debauchery, you liver waving a white flag of surrender, coping out of the party. Ah the good ol’ days. Now, I awoke this morning with my liver jibbing me and I haven’t consumed alcohol is months. Instead, i reckon its’ an  acetaminophen over exposure having consumed the daily limit for many days( just over a week). For those of you that don’t now acetaminophen is an ingredient in many aspirins, pain relievers and cold/flu medicines.  I have been using cold/flu medicine.

It’s amazing how one’s perspective changes over time, with their life ventures.

I’ve been doing my best to be as less sick as possible because tomorrow is the big day. I start training at my new seasonal job.  Oh, i’m nervous. Retail horror stories can be inserted here.  But, i’m only schedule for Monday and Tuesday for training. I requested Wednesday off since the hubby has all his cancer appointments and procedures schedule. I was told training is typically three days so they may keep me late the two days to get the time in or just start me working with two days of training or schedule me for another training afterwards. They said they will figure it out after they see how i do. So. Hoping that goes well.  I didn’t ask about being paid, i didn’t want to push my luck since I’m being started a little higher than normal. But, I don’t know if they hold your first check like almost all places do. I don’t think they will since I’m not a regular permanent hire, I”m just a seasonal temp position hire.  And, training isn’t paid. So I’ll be a while before i see check or anything. But, I’m excited about earning my very own income.

Some people asked me what am I going to spend my money on.

Well, again i say i remember the days where i would go on a bender, party it up and blow my whole check in celebrations all over Manhattan. But now? I’m going to the doctor! And i couldn’t be more excited about it. While my mother has me on her insurance, I can’t afford to use it most of the time. It’s a 30 dollar co payment for my regular doctor and a 50 dollar co payment for a specialist.  Any medications I would get i have to pay out of pocket a portion of the cost. Like the antibiotics i usually get is 20 bucks, the inhaler i get when I have bronchitis is 76 bucks! Not to mention traveling costs. So while I have the insurance I can very rarely afford to use it.

But, as soon as I get and cash my check I’m making doctor appointments. Hopefully, I’m not still sick, but if i am ( which is a very real possibility I”m the type that gets sick and stays sick for weeks) that will be first on the table to address. Then, I want blood work done. Lots of it. A whole blood culture. Check me for anything and everything. It’s been almost two years since i last had blood work done. Then, I want referrals to specialists. I want to go a OBGYN doctor…embarrassing to admit.. I’ve never been. I want to get checked out make sure I don’t have cervical cancer or anything like that. Then I want to go get my boobs checks, I want a mammogram. Cancer seems to run in my family and I want to stay ontop of that. Omar already has cancer, we both can’t have it.

Am I’m overzealous and paranoid? Maybe . I just know  I have a immune system that is barely existent. I’m not the type to shy away from doctors. You can admit me to a hospital and I’ll be happy as a pea in a pod. Prescribe me any medicine and I’ll take it faithfully without complaint. I’ve spent a lot of time being sick with various degrees of cold and flu’s and bronchitis and pneumonia . So, if i can prevent all of that… why not? If i can get screened for more serious illness that i already know run in my family? It would be stupid not too.

So hopefully with my little retail job, I can get worked over.

At the same time, get Bianca schedule for her surgery asap.

Ontop of that my mother is charging me a ridiculous amount of rent. But, I’m not paying what she is asking for. I’ll pay what my brother pays and not a dime more. He makes more than I will be making and does NOTHING around the house. Even though tomorrow I will set off in the working world, I bet you my first paycheck  I still will be doing everything around the house that I am already doing now.

SO yeah, times have changed. I’ve had big plans for my final week of being homebound. Planned to sleep and be lazy and be a bum. But instead I was sick and hosting family. But yesterday? My dog woke me up 4am. Around 7am i venture back into my room and climb into bed and she jumps on my chest. And lays down. Now, Bianca never cuddles with me. Last time she did voluntarily was because I was sick… like really sick. And when she cuddled me that time I was sick I couldnt enjoy it because you know how they say dogs have a sixth sense? Well i believe that, so i thought bianca knew something about me being sick that i didnt thus coming over to cuddle with me. Yeah, i thought I was dying and i couldn’t enjoy the cuddles. But yesterday, she walked across me and laid down on my chest and licked my face. Then she threw her head down and fell asleep. It was the cutest thing ever. I was petting her and before i knew it I fell back asleep. We slept like that for hours. Around 10am she rolled off me and licked my face and curled up by my leg half buried by my blanket. We slept til almost noon. I woke up feeling less sick.

Sometimes we just have to take a cue from our dogs. Find a nice spot, cuddle up and sleep.

So today, my very last day, while feeling better than I have all week I still feel very sick. I haven’t taken much medicine yet cause of my liver pains. So i took Bianca’s advice. I laid on the hubby’s shoulder, threw my big fuzzy blanket over me and i took a nap. I slept for 3 hours and I woke up just a little bit better.  While I’m quick to pop a pill, sometimes our own bodies just need time and rest to work itself over.

I’m giving myself time tonight . Then tomorrow, armed with pocket tissue and cough drops, I’ll venture out into the world for my first day of being an adult in the PAID workforce.

Post Sandy

As you all already know from my last post, I live in New York where Hurricane Sandy hit. Thankfully, my house did not suffer any damage( or any person). However, my family lives in The Rockaways which is now a declared disaster zone.  Thankfully, everyone is alive ( animals too).

But, they are now displaced so we have been hosting them at my house. Which means I have been busy tending to them. I’m glad to do it. Happy to help in any way I can. But, it’s been keeping me on my feet being busy.

Which is why I have been absent from the blogging world.

I can’t help but go to sleep feeling depressed every single night. My uncle ,my cousin and his wife have been staying at their house in rockaway and my aunt ( who is a severe asthmatic cannot stay there) has been staying at my house with my other cousin . My 7 year old cousin was sent upstate a few days ago to stay with family . But, it’s been severe weather especially with The No’eastern snow storm Athena just hitting us too. It’s not suitable for living. It’s so cold. No power. No transportation since everyone’s car got ruined. Gas has been near impossible to get.

I was warped with worry for the family staying behind because of the terrible conditions and also the dangers. Looting and breaking and entering. But, that was why they stayed behind. My cousin’s wife’s parents rented a car for them and drove it down and so they have been able to drive back and forth sparingly to at least stop by and warm up and eat a hot plate of food , take a shower. I was able to do laundry for them and we all were able to get supplies to them. But still, i worry about them. They also wanted to be there to protect the house from robbery. And they have to wait for fema and insurance adjusters to do their evaluations of the house and what not so someone has to be there to talk to them.

But today , everyone piled into my house, their 3 dogs included for a reprieve from the cold and living conditions. And i think i can sleep a little tonight knowing everyone is safe  and warm.
Because that’s whats most important. Everyone being alive and well. While a million things are going on and have to be done, just knowing for the moment everyone is okay makes it better.

Worst timing ever, I got sick again. Really ticked off about it since i actually went to get a flu shot a few weeks ago and was out with the flu for a whole week. Now, I think I have bronchitis. And i’m doing what your not supposed to do, using someone’s else medication. Plus side of having a house filled with people , its like a drug store in here. I’ve taken these antibiotics before so its not like its totally blind. To tell you the truth if i wasnt taking these pills I think  i would of been put in the hospital. Its a particularly nasty case of sickness I got. And like I said at the worst time ever. I can’t do much in means of going to the disaster areas, or my family’s house since I am so sick. But, i’ve been doing what i can. Phone calls, paperwork, laundry , shopping and cooking and cleaning. I’m hanging in there and trying to make myself better. I start work Monday. I wonder how i will find the hours in the day to do it all. But, for now,I will close my eyes tonight and sleep wrapped in warmth .

While my heart yearns for everyone, tonight my family is safe and warm under one roof.

Uncertainty

I saw a “meme” on facebook and it made me almost loose my damn mind. It said “Dear Mainstream Media, Sandy Fucked Us Up Too, Sincerely , Cuba”

Oh man I saw red. But, i didn’t comment. While I was stepping over my cousin’s laid about and picking up toys my 7 year old cousin had sprawled around the house I was considering If I was bias.

Yes, I have family in the Rockaway. For those not local Rockaway is a peninsula . Bay on one side, ocean on the other. During Hurricane Sandy the bay met the ocean and certain parts the houses were completely wiped out. Other parts were burned in various degrees from whole blocks completely gone to surface burns from when the transporters blew out. And almost every single house had some degree of flooding from being completely ruined to minor water damage. Some houses were completely leveled. And stuff like the boardwalk is completely gone.

My family lives two houses from the bay and two blocks from the beach. A piece of the boardwalk , from two blocks away, can be found on their block. Not a plank, a whole section of the boardwalk. In my Aunties house, her basement, my cousin’s room, was completely flooded. Talking about water that was raising almost to the top step of the basement stairs to the first floor( which really is a second floor since the houses are elevated) and outside the water was up to the third top step. They lost their cars, like everyone did. And the whole of Rockaway is without power( electricity).

And the blackout isn’t just oh I can’t check my facebook or use the microwave. In fact there is no cell reception at all. But, people can’t shower. They can’t plug in a hose to hose off dirt and debris. They can’t pump out water from the flood. Everything is just stagnant.  If you flush the toilet, it refills with smelly bay water. Tap water is contaminated. No boilers to heat houses. It’s cold outside already. Now imagine cold continuously, no hot food made even colder by stagnant water in your house. The mold is building up, the air quality is diminishing.

Now throw in looting and robberies. People are not only stealing from store fronts , but breaking into people’s personal homes. The McDonald’s was broken into, for the cash registers and  a cop that tried to stop the robbery was shot. It’s turning savage over there.  While the government officials rolled in, they are centralized in one spot and not doing much. The hubby went over with my cousin to see what donated packages they were giving out.  4 bottles of water, a single packet of tuna and a packet with 4 crackers.  While that may okay for a sole person to manage what about a family?

The hubby told me he saw some (previously) homeless people in ragged clothing, still damp looking and covered in sand.  He walked over to them and asked them if they were alright. They turned to my hubby and said ” We’ve been through this before brother… the sand? It’ll fall off eventually .”  And they smiled and kept on walking.

If you walk around there it does look like a third world country.

What made it worse was New York Public Transportation was taken out. And then gas for cars or generators ran out…everywhere.  I spent a big chuck of my day with a phone attached to my head calling every single gas station that has a number listed.

It’s not JUST Rockaway, the neighborhood before Rockaway, Broad Channel,  was almost completely wiped out. Of course all of surrounding towns had various damage and impacted in some way as did other boroughs and other states. But, Rockaway and Broad Channel seem to be stranded. Without help.

While driving through Board Channel a fishing boat has washed onto the Boulevard and is there unmoved. Someone posted a sign on it ” Broad Channel, The FORGOTTEN town”.

The original plan was for my older cousin who is mentally challenged and my younger cousin ( 7 years old) to stay at my( parents) house until the power went back on ( which they said wont be for 2 weeks) and shield them a bit from whats going on and the adults will switch. One day my Aunt and Uncle stay at my house while my cousin and his wife stay at their place and the next day switch. The only reason they wanted to rotate was to watch the house and their three dogs. Now, it’s not like we won’t open our house to their dogs. I love those doggies. It’s their dogs are a bit older and one of them is just like Bianca, real anxious. They don’t do good outside of the house. They didn’t want to traumatize the dogs.  One of them is so old their scared it may have a heart attack  from the anxiety. So that was the plan. But, then gas became scarce and now my dad’s van is on E. So we can’t drive back and forth, bring them hot food or do much of anything.

So it’s not like people are complaining about missing facebook. People are cold. Hungry. They have kids. They are uncertain. They are uncertain about today, about tomorrow and days yet to come.  My 7 year old cousin’s school is literally destroyed. As a parent you cant help but wonder about your child’s education.

It’s just an overwhelming amount of uncertainty.

While crime and savagery is raging. You still see people coming out their house and sharing the little commodities they do have… a can of soup… some bottled water.. some dog food.  Now, like i said almost all of the residents in Rockaway lost their cars. So when i said it seems these towns are stranded its not an exaggeration. Everyone needs something and most don’t have the means to  get it. My aunt dropped of my hubby this morning who was going to help with clean up/removal of stuff and we went food shopping. She had a list for the whole block.

What warmed my heart? Most of her neighbors are pet owners. Almost all of them asked her to bring back dog food and requested nothing for themselves. Of course, my aunt brought back other things for them.

The hubby told me today in their walk to the donation set up, he saw an elderly couple. The kind of elderly that walk holding each other up. They opened up the back of the car and had bags and bags of groceries. Bread, canned goods and crackers. Each bag the same. They started giving them out to people on the street.

So when i saw this meme on facebook, I was angry. But I was hesitating at the same time thinking I am bias. Sure devastation is world wide. I’m more aware of that then others, being a young activist. Who else does their final orientation ( a big oral presentation my high school required to graduated) about “The Vagina Monologues” and interning at a Communist bookstore. I was the one who did college research topics  presentations  on human trafficking and genocide. I was the only sitting back during the Kony2012 debacle like ” umm, mass killing and forcing children to be child soldiers have been going on for many many years how is everyone applauded and surprised by this video?”
I’m just saying, I’m the type of person that is always standing for a cause.  I believe in helping humanity as a whole and weather its by spreading the word, giving your time or financial support, i think we all need to do our part. But, above that, we need to actively seek out what is going on and what to do about. So, i don’t rely on “mainstream media”.

And it goes back to that saying you can’t help others if you don’t help yourself first. While Manhattan is being tending too, and the fucking mayor is even approving the marathon run Sunday mostly because that raises millions for New York City other areas aren’t being tending just as fast or with as much care. Your own backyard is being ignored and your concerned about places else where? If you go down that route, every place outside of the  US has experienced some sort of disaster. Do you know give a shit about them too?

I was so mad also, because I knew the person posting hasn’t seen Rockaway or Board Channel first hand. What they do know of the situation is from “mainstream media” and quite frankly there hasnt been much of it. Irony at it’s finest.

So yeah, I was angry. I contemplated If I was bias.

I decided I just don’t care.

It doesn’t matter.

So tonight, I sat here and caught up on my blogs and commenting on the blogs I followed than i sat down and wrote this.  Devastation is world wide. It no more tragic here than it is there. It’s disaster and its all the same. The difference here is, I can personally get involved BECAUSE it is here.

While I’m mainly helping my family, doing the hostess and babysitting gig and wrangling the phone calls/admin things… I hope I can help so more. Spread the word some more. Donate some more. Help someone replace maybe just a little bit of that uncertainty.
Replace it with hope.
Cause no one deserve to live a life being uncertain.

P.s. Was too tried to read this over and edit it/proofread it. So sorry for typos and errors and what not.