This is going to be a long diary like entry.
Since we last spoke, I was telling you all I did it. I took a chance and went out on interview. Then i up and disappeared, I left you all hanging.
Sorry about that. But life kind of took a spiral and things were out of control for a while. I felt like I was getting hit from all sides and honestly, I was overwhelmed.
I still am.
Let me break it down a little by little.
If you didn’t already know, I can get sick when a sick person just looks at me. My immune systems sucks. Here in the states, I had health insurance under my mother until the age of 26. In June i turned 26 but the health insurance said they could keep me until the end of the year. January. So, with the new health care system I had to sign up for health insurance but there was a time limit. The problem , I work retail. I work swing shifts and crap hours. I tried to do it online and over the phone but for some reason my middle name is messing up confirming my identity and they needed to do it person. Yeah, I’m still confused about that. But, my days off are always so hectic as is and it was hard to find the time to go to one of these offices. I just didn’t have the chance or energy.
So, i have no health insurance right now.
And then, I got sick. I was sick for three weeks. I’m pretty sure it was bronchitis. I’ve had bronchitis twice a year since I was 14. I only went un-medicated during bronchitis three or four times. This time, i had no choice. So i would drug myself with cough medicine and go to work and come home and take a shot of nyquil and sleep. For two weeks, on my days off, I literally slept through the whole thing. I literally thought to myself “this is it, this is how i go out”.
But then one morning , three weeks later ,i woke up and i didn’t almost cough up an organ.
But i also had an injury. I think from both just lack of rest and working standing on my feet wearing boots ( it’s been snowing alot here and icy so boots are the only thing you can wear if you don’t want to break your neck walking). My foot was killing me. It was swollen and hurt to stand on it. But, i couldn’t afford not to work and or miss appointment so i just wrapped it up and journeyed on. It’s finally feeling better because I got a chance to rest it today.
My retail job has been causing SO much stress and anger. I feel so under appreciated and taken advantaged of. Because . I do enjoy and I’ll say even love certain aspects about working in my store. I love my area. I love my Levis jeans. I love being in charge of the merchandise. I’m my own worst critique. I manage and maintain the selling floor to a higher core standards than they even desire. I work hard to keep order and presentation of my area. I genuinely care about a person coming in to my shop and getting the pair of jeans they love. I’ll go above and beyond to make sure you get the size, fit and color you are looking for.
The frustrating part is being promised one thing and given another. My hours are not supposed to be cut under 25. It was part of my promotion when my area was still an official stand alone department. But, i was cut. But my work expectancy was not cut. I’m supposed to sell and produce the same numbers and the floor is supposed to look and be the same way with 18 hours a week?
You know what though? I still bust my ass because I have pride in my work and pride in my area. I do more than i should because I care. I do it for me too because I’m the one left in the area and I cannot work in chaos. So either i bust my ass and try to maintain order or suffer through trying to work through chaos.
And they took my day shifts. They put me on for closing shifts. So now, I don’t have the time to efficiently work on my stock and I’m expected to help close out the neighboring area and even the rest of the floor. But whats worst about the closing shifts, now my area is unattended all day so I always walk into a huge mess.
Not only that, it’s the treatment of all the employees. Alot of favoritism and preferential treatment to alot of employees… for no apparent reason. Honestly? Every shift i work, i work twice as hard as some of my co-workers.
Let me remind you folks, it’s the slow season for retail. I watch other employees take extended breaks, stand in one spot for twenty minutes , fold the same shirt for ten minutes. And you’re telling me they deserve to have their schedule adjusted for the better hours, more hours?
Here’s the one that pushes me over.
I have a fitting room. It’s the most active fitting room on the floor. I have to stay on top of it throughout my whole shift because people steal. Yes, they steal. Everyday. I try my hardest to help security by keeping it clean and calling them when i find something. I have to communicate almost daily with security over something happening in the fitting room. But remember I’m part time and for almost a month I was working only 20 hour work weeks, closing shifts. So that’s all day an unattended fitting because god forbid someone lift a finger to clean out the fitting room.
I get so angry and frustrated but more-so at myself. Why do i care if management doesn’t care? I get so angry that i get upset over these things. I hate that i waste the energy and emotions on this. But, i do. I try and try to turn it off but i just can’t.
He’s been struggling every way there is to struggle. We have been through hell the past few months with his disability. With doctors. His health isn’t great. He’s currently getting worked over having every test in the book done. We walked in for one appointment and left the office with six. We have been running around going to get this test and that test done. We have been up to our elbows in paperwork. Things are finally starting to settle with all of this. Tomorrow we go for another test. Then i just have to schedule a MRI and two xrays. And maybe finally we can have some resolution and answers to why he feels like he has arthritis, to why he is sick all the time. It’s been hard these past months, if i’m working I’m constantly worried about him. If i’m not working we’re most likely running to an appointment.
The New Job
My last real update, i told ya’ll I went to an interview. I was called back two weeks later for a group interview. I was called back to spend a day at one of their centers to shadow for the day to see how I interact with their clients. It’s a program for adults with disabilities. Specifically, helping them with life skills and training so they can work. It’s a great company. It’s been months since i first went to the interview. Since then I have filled out 4 different applications. I had to provide various references both professional for my job experience then separately i needed to acquire three references to take an online survey about me. I needed to get fingerprinted. I need to get a medical exam and have a skin test done to make sure I don’t have TB.
Finally last week, I was cleared. I passed everything. I received an official “you’re hired”, I’ve been waiting all week for my handler to contact me with a start date. It’s a little tricky of when I can start because basically I will shadow a person for a couple of weeks so they need to make arrangements for that plus little things like syncing up a start date with their pay cycle. But i expect in a week or two i can start.
I’m so freaking excited!! You have no idea how much i adore this company and this job. I haven’t even started yet but I’m thrilled. I had half a mind to put in my two weeks at my retail job. But, because of my life circumstance, I have to do the responsible thing. I’m going to work two jobs for awhile. I’m going to adjust my schedule at my retail job around this job ( which is a 8-4 9-5) type of job for the position I’m going to be starting as. It is a part time position however which is another reason why i should keep the retail job for now. But honestly, I will take an hours cut at the retail job and definitely leave altogether when I’m firmly implanted in this new job. I definitely don’t want to work retail for another seasonal so I have about 5 months left to get things squared away.
I’m nervous and scared and worried. But I’m happy. I feel like finally something good is happening.
The best part? I learned about this program because I met some of their employees and clients at my retail job. My job hires in a few individuals with special needs every year and this year it was through this organization. I clicked with both the employees and clients right away. The clients, from the first week i took them under my wing and they were my kids. The whole store knows them as my kids. They are my pride and it’s such a joy seeing them prosper and grow and come out of their shell. The job coaches and the clients…they appreciate me. They help me. They teach me things, I teach them things. We help each other. We support each other. They are amazing people and they are thrilled to even see me and I them. It’s a great feeling to be appreciated. I haven’t felt that at my retail job in a long time.
Things have been crazy and hectic. I really should have used wordpress to help me through. I already feel a little better writing this all out and getting some things off my chest. But, sometimes when life spirals we get lost in the spiral. I was spiraling and i just didn’t have the energy or desire. Things are slowly working out. I didn’t have a day off for two weeks( i was off work but with appointments and such I always had somewhere I needed to be) and I was so close to that breaking point. But Wednesday I was off . I only went outside and went to the supermarket to pick up a few things. Today, i called out of work ( snow storm) and tomorrow I am off. We have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow but it’s late afternoon so I have time to have a slow start. It’s a nice mini break which i needed. I feel better after having quality time with the hubby and getting some much-needed sleep. (I seemed to have developed a sleeping problem too. I even cut out coffee but that didn’t help with the sleep problem. )
Overall folks, it’s easy to get lost and worked up. I need to remember to not stress the little things. That’s the goal. Stress less and be happier.