This is going to be a long diary like entry.

Since we last spoke, I was telling you all I did it. I took a chance and went out on interview. Then i up and disappeared, I left you all hanging.

Sorry about that. But life kind of took a spiral and things were out of control for a while. I felt like I was getting hit from all sides and honestly, I was overwhelmed.

I still am.

Let me break it down a little by little.

My Health.
If you didn’t already know, I can get sick when a sick person just looks at me. My immune systems sucks.  Here in the states, I had health insurance under my mother until the age of 26. In June i turned 26 but the health insurance said they could keep me until the end of the year. January. So, with the new health care system I had  to sign up for health insurance but there was a time limit. The problem , I work retail. I work swing shifts and crap hours.  I tried to do it online and over the phone but for some reason my middle name is messing up confirming my identity and they needed to do it person.  Yeah, I’m still confused about that. But, my days off are always so hectic as is and it was hard to find the time to go to one of these offices. I just didn’t have the chance or energy.

So, i have no health insurance right now.

And then, I got sick. I was sick for three weeks. I’m pretty sure it was bronchitis. I’ve had bronchitis twice a year since I was 14. I only went un-medicated during bronchitis three or four times. This time, i had no choice. So i would drug myself with cough medicine and go to work and come home and take a shot of nyquil and sleep. For two weeks, on my days off, I literally slept through the whole thing. I literally thought to myself “this is it, this is how i go out”.

But then one morning , three weeks later ,i woke up and i didn’t almost cough up an organ.

But i also had an injury. I think from both just lack of rest and working standing on my feet wearing boots ( it’s been snowing alot here and icy so boots are the only thing you can wear if you don’t want to break your neck walking). My foot was killing me. It was swollen and hurt to stand  on it.  But, i couldn’t afford not to work and or miss appointment so i just wrapped it up and  journeyed on. It’s finally feeling better because I got a chance to rest it today.

My Job
My retail job has been causing SO much stress and anger. I feel so under appreciated and taken advantaged of. Because .  I do enjoy and I’ll say even love certain aspects about working in my store. I love my area. I love my Levis jeans. I love being in charge of the merchandise. I’m my own worst critique. I manage and maintain the selling floor to a higher core standards than they even desire. I work hard to keep order and presentation of my area. I genuinely care about a person coming in to my shop and getting the pair of jeans they love. I’ll go above and beyond to make sure you get the size, fit and color you are looking for.

The frustrating part is being promised one thing and given another. My hours are not supposed to be cut under 25. It was part of my promotion when my area was still an official stand alone department.  But, i was cut. But my work expectancy was not cut. I’m supposed to sell and produce the same numbers and the floor is supposed to look and be the same way with 18 hours a week?

You know what though? I still bust my ass because I have pride in my work and pride in my area. I do more than i should because I care. I do it for me too because I’m the one left  in the area and I cannot work in chaos. So either i bust my ass and try to maintain order or suffer through trying to work through chaos.

And they took my day shifts. They put me on for closing shifts. So now, I don’t have the time to efficiently work on my stock and I’m expected to help close out the neighboring area and even the rest of the floor.  But whats worst about the closing shifts, now my area is unattended all day so I always walk into a huge mess.

Not only that, it’s the treatment of all the employees. Alot of favoritism and preferential treatment to alot of employees… for no apparent reason. Honestly? Every shift i work, i work twice as hard as some of my co-workers.

Let me remind you folks, it’s the slow season for retail. I watch other employees take extended breaks, stand in one spot for twenty minutes , fold the same shirt for ten minutes. And you’re telling me they deserve to have their schedule adjusted for the better hours, more hours?

Here’s the one that pushes me over.

I have a fitting room. It’s the most active fitting room on the floor. I have to stay on top of it throughout my whole shift because people steal. Yes, they steal. Everyday. I try my hardest to help security by keeping it clean and calling them when i find something. I have to communicate almost daily with security over something happening in the fitting room.  But remember I’m part time and for almost a month I was working only 20 hour work weeks, closing shifts.  So that’s all day an unattended fitting because god forbid someone lift a finger to clean out the fitting room.

I get so angry and frustrated but more-so at myself. Why do i care if management doesn’t care? I get so angry that i get upset over these things. I hate that i waste the energy and emotions on this. But, i do. I try and try to turn it off but i just can’t.

The Hubby
He’s been struggling every way there is to struggle. We have been through hell the past few months with his disability. With doctors. His health isn’t great. He’s currently getting worked over having every test in the book done. We walked in for one appointment and left the office with six. We have been running around going to get this test and that test done. We have been up to our elbows in paperwork. Things are finally starting to settle with all of this. Tomorrow we go for another test. Then i just have to schedule a MRI and two xrays. And maybe finally we can have some resolution and answers to why he feels like he has arthritis, to why he is sick all the time. It’s been hard these past months, if i’m working I’m constantly worried about him. If i’m not working we’re most likely running to an appointment.

The New Job
My last real update, i told ya’ll I went to an interview.  I was called back two weeks later for a group interview. I was called back to spend a day at one of their centers to shadow for the day to see how I interact with their clients. It’s a program for adults with disabilities. Specifically, helping them with life skills and training so they can work.   It’s a great company.  It’s been months since i first went to the interview. Since then I have filled out 4 different applications. I had to provide various references both professional for my job experience then separately i needed to acquire three references to take an online survey about me. I needed to get fingerprinted. I need to get a medical exam and have a skin test done to make sure I don’t have TB.

Finally last week, I was cleared. I passed everything. I received an official “you’re hired”, I’ve been waiting all week for my handler to contact me with a start date. It’s a little tricky of when I can start because basically I will shadow a person for a couple of weeks so they need to make arrangements for that plus little things like syncing up a start date with their pay cycle. But i expect in a week or two i can start.

I’m so freaking excited!! You have no  idea how much i adore this company and this job. I haven’t even started yet but I’m thrilled. I had half a mind to put in my two weeks at my retail job. But, because of my life circumstance, I have to do the responsible thing. I’m going to work two jobs for awhile. I’m going to adjust my schedule at my retail job around this job ( which is a 8-4 9-5) type of job for the position I’m going to be starting as.  It is a part time position however which is another reason why i should keep the retail job for now.  But honestly,  I will take an hours cut at the retail job and definitely leave altogether when I’m firmly implanted in this new job.  I definitely don’t want to work retail for another seasonal so I have about 5 months left to get things squared away.

I’m nervous and scared and worried. But I’m happy. I feel like finally something good is happening.

The best part? I learned about this program because I met some of their employees and clients at my retail job. My job hires in a few individuals with special needs every year and this year it was through this organization. I clicked with both the employees and clients right away. The clients, from the first week i took them under my wing and they were my kids. The whole store knows them as my kids. They are my pride and it’s such a joy seeing them prosper and grow and come out of their shell.  The job coaches and the clients…they appreciate me. They help me. They teach me things, I teach them things. We help each other. We support each other. They are amazing people and they are thrilled to even see me and I them. It’s a great feeling to be appreciated. I haven’t felt that at my retail job in a long time.

Things have been crazy and hectic. I really should have used wordpress to help me through. I already feel a little better writing this all out and getting some things off my chest. But, sometimes when life spirals we get lost in the spiral. I was spiraling and i just didn’t have the energy or desire. Things are slowly working out. I didn’t have a day off for two weeks( i was off work but with appointments and such I always had somewhere I needed to be) and I was so close to that breaking point. But Wednesday I was off . I only went outside and went to the supermarket to pick up a few things. Today, i called out of work ( snow storm) and tomorrow I am off.  We have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow but it’s late afternoon so  I have time to have a slow start. It’s a nice mini break which i needed. I feel better after having quality time with the hubby and getting some much-needed sleep. (I seemed to have developed a sleeping problem too. I even cut out coffee but that didn’t help with the sleep problem. )

Overall folks, it’s easy to get lost and worked up. I need to remember to not stress the little things.  That’s the goal. Stress  less and be happier.

Over on A little Place of My Own I was nominated for this blog award.  Thank you for the nomination my dear.

These are the rules ( copied and pasted)

  1. Put the Award Logo in your post.
  2. Answer 7 questions asked by the person who nominated you.
  3. Thank the people who nominated you, linking to their blogs.
  4. Nominate any number of bloggers you like, linking to their blogs.
  5. Let them know you nominated them (by commenting on their blog)


7 Questions:

1/ If you could live anywhere in the world where would you be, and why?

Honestly, it changes with my mood. Sometimes, I’m a die-hard NYer and insist I will never leave. Other times, I furiously dream of living in California. Other times a quaint southern farm. Lol. Drastic differences. I guess I have yet to find the combination of everything I love. I love city living, the accessibility and the no time frame or time limits on where to go or whats open or how to get there- MTA going my way! Yet, I love rural living too. Quite and nature. And Cali for the beaches. I want to be a beach bum. lol. So. Right now if i had to pick a place I would lean towards Southern Living.

2/ What’s your favourite film genre?

Ah this dreaded question. I’m going to say horror because I always enjoy a good ( and b rated  crudely badly done) horror flick. In horror I’m also including scifi and supernatural genres , they tend to overlap.

3/ Coffee or Tea?


4/ Why do you blog?

I started to blog to help myself. I always kept a diary but found I was writing less and less. For awhile i blogged just because my “real life friends” weren’t or couldn’t be there for me. Now, i blog silently mostly. But, for five years, WP has always welcomed me back with open arms when I feel overwhelmed and need to just write or distract myself.  But mostly, i blog because I like to help people. I like to meet new people on wordpress and follow and support them on their journeys. More often than not, you can find me on wordpress not posting or updating my blog but I’m always logging on to check on fellow bloggers and drop a comment.

5/ Marvel or DC?

Oh wow, hard question. I think I’m going to have to go with Marvel. But, I’m biased because I learned about superheros through the hubby. His favorite character ( The Hulk ) is Marvel so he leans more towards teaching me about the Marvel characters than the DC characters.  But maybe after i learn some more I develop a liking for a character on the DC side. We shall see

6/ What’s your favourite food?
Breakfast food. Eggs. Pancakes. Hash browns/home fries. Anything breakfast.

7/ What’s your geekiest pleasure?
My book collecting. Some call it book hoarding but that’s just because they don’t understand. I love books. I always loved to read. But i commit hard to a series/world and I often cannot start a new book because I’m still stuck in the world of the previous book. I also take reading very seriously, which is why I have not read for this year yet!! I’ve been so swamped and busy i don’t have the standalone reading time and honestly i get grumpy if I have to stop reading and put a book down especially if it’s an interesting part, so I’ve been avoiding that whole fiasco by not reading at all.  But, definitely the way I collect books and get excited over books. I have preferences of hardbacks and paperbacks. And i must have a uniform collection of the books of a series ( all same format).

Okay, that’s the questions I had to answer. And I’ll leave the nomination part open because I’m just wiggling back into posting, not sure who is still actively following/participating on my blog. So if you see this and are interested feel free to part take!

Here are my 7 questions

1) Tell me something odd about yourself
2) Tell me a fear of yours
3) Tell me your greatest joy
4)This is an active prompt- sit for five minutes and reflect about something that you have been avoiding. Tell me about it in a free write after your five minutes of reflection are up.
5)Tell me about your favorite book
6) Tell me about your favorite movie
7) Tell me something random, anything at all.

I have been off the grid for awhile now haven’t I? I thought it was time for an update of sorts. It’s long overdue. And today is a special day.

It’s the hubby’s birthday.

I take his birthday seriously because of his illness.  It was Feb 2011 when he surgery. It was March 3rd 2011 when he got the diagnosis of Brain Cancer. So birthdays are bit tainted for him from the past years.  That year, we didn’t know if he was going to live or die or how long he had.

Through it all we learned time isn’t guaranteed.

I know it makes me a big ol sap everyday. I take the time every single to tell him and show him i love him. But a day like today? His Birthday?

I spoiled him rotten .

And I would do it again in an heartbeat.



Posted: January 27, 2015 in Uncategorized
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Winter Storm Juno.

It went well

Posted: January 15, 2015 in Uncategorized
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So I did it. I braved the fierce winter storm and journied two hours in the early hours of the morning. I arrived at a massive building and as the snow melted off my jacket and my limbs thawed out I felt so elated. I did it.

I went to the interview.  It went amazingly.  I just feel so happy and proud of myself. Just for going. For making the effort.

^ I wrote that last week and never published it.

I was called backed for a second interview which I had yesterday.  I don’t even have the words to express how much I enjoyed it. Interview aside, I made memories that will last me forever.

This second interview was a day long event. I arrived at the center( center for disabled adults, mostly mentally challenged) and was paired with a employee and her group. We stayed in and worked on self advocacy worksheets so I worked one on one mentoring style with several people. Afterwards we went outside and did some recycling.  Honestly I cant remember the last time I had so much fun.

I forgot it was an interview.

When we returned from outside we had another interview, four of us in a group which I felt went really well.

Its a really long interview process. I’m up to the background check and fingerprinting and they want atleast four references. So, that’s where I’m at with this process. If fingerprinting and background check is cleared then they decide on the individuals they want to hire.

Ya’ll,  I really loved it. I know this job will have its challenges.  It wont always be easy. But, just from the four hours I spent there I really connected with the people and felt thrilled, like I was doing something that mattered. I’m still in a good mood from yesterday.

I don’t know if I will get the job. All I know is I loved it. 

The New Year

Posted: January 3, 2015 in Uncategorized
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Hey kiddies!
I trust the new year has been treating you well. As you all already know, my laptop has died…rest its precious soul.  I have tons of stuff I want to update about but lets be honest,  typing on a phone isn’t the same.

But somethings are on my mind and I feel the urge to unload a little.

I have a job interview coming up. And its scaring the shit outta me.

I guess when you spend over two years at a place you’re bound to feel a connection. Though at times my job sucks, really really sucks. I still like being in charge of my unofficial department. I like that the whole stores knows not to mess with my stock and I like how even management refers to me for Levis. And I like the random aspect of working retail. You just never know what’s going to walk into your department.

It’s been a exceptionally  bad season. I was like a bad customer magnet.

Yet still, through all the crap I feel connected to this place. I don’t know if its the fear.  Fear of the new and unknown.  Fear of taking chances.  Fear of losing the job security and good standing I acquired. Fear of working a job I won’t love.

This interview I have coming up, I have people willing to back me up too. Of course I have to interview and pass the interview but I have.creditable people within the company willing to vouch for me.

I’ll be stupid to pass it up.

I’m definately going to the interview.  I don’t want to pass up something good because of fear or lack of courage.  It’s just if this job is a better offer I have to take it and would have to resign my current job. This new job is an on call type job with no set hours. It’s an agency for people with special needs. Your job could be anything from in house mentoring to teaching a person how to go to the corner store. You could be a job coach or really anything. They hire you in as a filler what needs to be done and at the same time your gaining experience and being trained across the board.

It’s different. It’s new.  I’m just scared to give up a place where I’m held in high regards.  Then again, people’s opinion of me isn’t going to put money in my bank account…

New year, new things….right?

Happy New Years!

Posted: December 31, 2014 in Uncategorized

Happy New Years WordPress! It’s been a hell of a year. I hope with this new year, it brings changes for the better. I wish you all health and happiness and the courage to pursue whatever it is you seek.

Hello WordPress! It seems I have up and disappeared again. But, it’s really out of my control. My laptop took it’s last breath last week. So I’m off the grid for awhile.

I guess the timing isn’t too bad. I’m working alot of crazy hours. Holiday time and retail and all. So i don’t have much free time.

Just wanted to pop in and let everyone know I miss reading your blogs and happy holidays!

I’m actually getting a new phone this week so I’ll probably be able to catch up when i do on the wordpress app.

Until then, be kind kiddies.


Happy Thanksgiving!

Posted: November 27, 2014 in Uncategorized

Happy Thanksgiving to all those who celebrate this holiday. Try to remember it’s not about the food. It’s about being grateful for all the positive things you may have in your life, even if it’s a little hard to see those positive things right now, some are still there. So take a moment to be thankful to be alive and whatever it may be that is GOOD in your life and be grateful for it. Remember, things could always be worse. It’s the little breaks in life that we overlook that matter. It’s the people by your side, everyday, that matter.

So, this holiday just take a moment and really think about all the good going on. And if you are spending time with family and loved ones be grateful for that!

Personally, I am in my room with a pot of coffee. I will be working overnight for 16 hours. Basically pulling an all nighter which I haven’t done in a LONG time. If you don’t hear from me, I’m probably passed out cuddling with Levi’s jeans in my stock room.

And to all those shopping on this thanksgiving day and Black Friday, please remember to have some decency. You are only saving a couple of bucks and us retail workers are obligated to work this day, or risk losing our jobs. We are stressed and trying our best and alot of retail workers are like me, running off little or no sleep for double shifts. We really try to help you get what you want and get checked out as fast as we can. When I walk away from a register please remember I have probably been there for 4 hours straight and it’s a break time that I HAVE to take at a required time or LOOSE my chance to take a break.

Be kind folks.


My store is already in full blown Christmas mode.

It seemed we went from slow to fast overnight.

Work has not been fun folks. It’s been busy and understaffed and we aren’t getting much seasonal help.  My store has posted sign up sheets for Thanksgiving and Black Friday and my department are avoiding it like the plague. You see last year Levis was a standalone department and the shifts were broken up between 8 people with 4 seasonal fillers so it was 2-3 people at all times. It’s four of us now. Yeah, you do the math. We open 5pm ( shift starts at 4pm) Thanksgiving day and stay open until 10pm Black Friday. We all know we have to work a 10plus hour shift but we are not exactly going to volunteer for this, basically signing up to work alone. It’s inevitable. But still.

And I caught the flu.

Fun Fun
Black Friday, Retail, Shopping