Biohazard

There was an outbreak of the plauge. Or atleast it feels like it. My whole house has caught some hybrid flu.

Sorry I’ve been MIA. But this biohazard dieases is sweeping through my home…and the office. Every where I go is contagion.

I actually had to miss work one day. I had a high fever and was delirious.  During those dark times I told the hubby I felt like I had space ships in my head and I need to make them go back to space. I think I had a headache…

I’ve been to the doc and while I no longer feel like death is upon me,  I still feel like crap.

Sorry for my absence,  just will be out sick for a little while longer.

The season is upon us

My store is already in full blown Christmas mode.

It seemed we went from slow to fast overnight.

Work has not been fun folks. It’s been busy and understaffed and we aren’t getting much seasonal help.  My store has posted sign up sheets for Thanksgiving and Black Friday and my department are avoiding it like the plague. You see last year Levis was a standalone department and the shifts were broken up between 8 people with 4 seasonal fillers so it was 2-3 people at all times. It’s four of us now. Yeah, you do the math. We open 5pm ( shift starts at 4pm) Thanksgiving day and stay open until 10pm Black Friday. We all know we have to work a 10plus hour shift but we are not exactly going to volunteer for this, basically signing up to work alone. It’s inevitable. But still.

And I caught the flu.

Fun Fun

 

More Snow

So, it’s snowing in my parts of the woods. I love the snow. I don’t mind tromping around in it, traveling in it. But, I’m still sick. Most of it has passed I just have a general “tired” feeling and a lingering cough. But, I’m supposed to work today 5pm-10pm. But with this snow public transportation is going to be a nightmare. Waiting over an hour for a bus that never comes, in the snow still falling? Plus, having to work the opening shift tomorrow? Yeah. I’m good. Called out of work today. It hurts to do so but if i relapse into being fully sick again it will hurt even more so. So. Snow Day!

Took Bianca out to play in the snow/walk. Here’s pictures of our adventures. As always ignore the time stamp. Ancient camera can’t get it to change.

She didnt know where to walk so walked up to me feet

She was so curious just looking around non stop

She just jumped into a pile of snow trying to get to her favorite pee spot and then ran back to me because she was up to her neck in snow lol

She thought there was another dog outside and she literally kept walking in circles following her own paw prints lol

Searching and Searching for the “other dog” lol

Still searching

She got sad she couldn’t find the “other dog” and started walking in the street. She looks miserable in this picture but i promise you she was yanking me to walk. And doesn’t she look raccoon-ish in this picture?

She is confused. Doesn’t know which way is what. This is the middle of the street lol.

I can only imagine what the view from her height must be like. She probably just sees a vast grayness.

Still trying to “see”

Found something!

Realizing she didn’t “find”anything

And the look of utter sadness at her realization.

P.s. She is now dried off and nice and warm cuddling on my dad’s bed in the living room munching on a doggy treat. I don’t torture her for these pictures. I just randomly click as she pulls me along hoping for a good shot lol.

Sick Day

I hate to call out of work. For the year and (almost) half I have been working there I only called out 3 times.  Twice, i had bronchitis and was coughing non-stop. Can’t cough all over merchandise and customers so i had to take the loss and stay home. The third time the flu hit me ( again) and I had a bad fever and I was… delusional. Yeah, I was sitting on the floor outside talking to the stray cat I feed for like 20 minutes meanwhile the cat is meowing at me like “bitch, put the food down already!”.

Today makes the fourth time I have called out of work. I’m actually not THAT sick. Those that know me know i get really REALLY sick. It’s never just a cold with me.  Since literally my whole house is sick and a few people at work at sick, i woke up feeling sick today. So, add in the cold and it’s not my full shift today, I decided to just have a sick day. Stay in bed and see if I can kick it BEFORE i get REALLY sick.

I hate to miss work. Even missing a few hours on my check HURTS.

But,this makes it all worth it.

She is so cute and playful

She licked the camera

She was so happy to see me laying in bed. She laid against the hubby to join us in bed sickness ( the hubby is sick too)

She thinks it’s our job to pet her 24/7

Who said to stop petting? She literally grabs your hand if you try to stop petting her and she is not finished being pet. lol

There you go, that’s the spot!

It’s exhausting being cute and getting pet all the time.
P.s. don’t mind the time stamp. It’s a day delayed. Pictures were taken last night and this morning.

I got some explaining to do…

Okay Okay, I know my last couple of posts have been promises (UN-kept promises) to post and post regularly and get caught up on Bloggers For Peace and Matters Most posts. I know I have some explaining to do. I wont give you poor excuses.

Source

I have been swamped this month with the first two weeks of June and the father’s day rush..that’s not a lie. Work has been crazy. Then on my days off I’ll be off cooking and cleaning and catching up on errands and reading books. I re-read the True Blood Books and finally read the finale of the series.

Then  i got sick. I was terribly ill all week. I literally slept for 20 hours straight waking up only twice to visit the restroom and take more medication I had to call out of work sick I had a fever that wouldn’t break. I just was able to get a doctors appointment yesterday so i started my prescription medication and hopefully I will be better in a week. Honestly, i blame the flu shot. Since i got that shot in October i have been sick about once every 6 weeks since then with some hybrid version of the flu and I have been the sickest I have ever been this year. I usually can power through the worst of sickness, being sick so often I’m used to the battered feeling. But this time? I was completely taken out. I couldn’t power through. And I have been sleeping and sleeping and taking tons of medicine. I can’t wait to be able to breath again and not cough.

Speaking of work. Something happened to me yesterday and I think I may have blown my chances.

One of the HR team managers came up to me while I was working on the floor and asked me “Where do i see myself going with the company and If I am in school right now” I carefully but readily replied I am not in school right now but I do want to go back to school which is why I’m interested in being bumped to full time so I can afford a payment plan to go back”
He then asked me “what about an Ambassador?” Ambassadors are kind of a step up from a regular associate  but a step down from a supervisor position. In my head I was like whoaaaaa. But i responded honestly and told him I’m really fond of my department ( it’s the best department in the store efficiently speaking). He then asked me why I can’t be an Ambassador for mens( it’s unusual but typically Ambassadors aren’t based in one department) . So i responded honestly, I’m still new and I have  alot yet to learn and if he think I would be prepared  for the job. He said we need new blood and they would like my personality on the floor. I told him I am a really efficient and good worker and I just want to be sure I’m properly trained and prepared for a new position. He said they would prepare us and we’ll touch base about this later on.

Source

I don’t know if i blew the chance for a promotion or not. I was just being honest. I’m an above average worker now and all my co-workers and managers adore me and I have good job security and whenever they can throw me a bone with extra hours they do me the favor. I don’t want to go from an above and beyond worker to an half assed Ambassador and risk the job security.

So, I’m thrilled I was sought out, acknowledged. That;s always a good feeling to be commended for hard work.  But who knows If I’ll actually get a promotion. We shall see.

Dear Journal ( March 26th 2013)

Tuesday March  26th 2013
8:50am

Dear Journal;

My Friend, it is official… I am getting old.  I went out Sunday night and I am still tired. On coffee number 2 before my shift.  Hope its busy, at least that will keep me on my feet.

Source

I had a blast though. Straight after work I meet the bestie and her date.  We went to a Korean restaurant. I could barely read the menu. The bill wasn’t in English LOL.  But the food was yummy! And OMG before we left I went to use their restroom…i inquire where and the lady points to the back. So i walk to the back and see  a sign saying restroom with an arrow point down a set of stairs.  I was like ummm weird but shrugged and said whatever and went down the set of stairs. But, it turned out, it was TWO sets of stairs. The first set were polished and pristine , hardwood-ish to match the rest of the restaurant. The second yet… yeah not so much. They were concrete stairs with the typical flimsy metal hand rail.  Which led to a basement. Concrete walls to complete the look of course.  Insert horror movies  scenes here. I had to  wait too! Someone was in the bathroom and so I had to stand there in a damp looking, cold and drafty concrete hallway staring at a room with a door slightly ajar with a small ray of light pouring out of the room. I shortly realized someone was IN the room.  I heard shuffling of feet from the room and then dull chopping and I was praying whoever was in the room 1) stayed in the room and 2) they were chopping meat – not body parts.  Then i heard whoever was in there phone ring. It was some Blade( vampire hunter movie)  techno sounding music and i laughed to myself. If they are listening to that, I bet I could take em in a fight.

After the bathroom escapades I  took two lesbians next door to a gay bar( gay men only). I had a blast.

Source

It was so much fun. I went over budget but not by much. My friend’s date even paid the go-go dancer to give my friend a lap dance. I was almost on the floor in hysterics because my friend kept screaming “NO! I’m SUPER gay! I don’t want a lap dance from a guy! I’m SUPER gay!”  I almost died of laughter.  After a couple of pelvis thrusts my friend told him “OK you earned your five dollars!” LOL

We left at like 2am . I actually enjoyed the travel home on the train.  Sitting on the stairs waiting for the train . Then once i boarded the train I was writing.

Source

And when I got home I had such a fun time with the hubby. Even got to watch The Walking Dead.

And in present time now, I am laughing because as I am writing, writing about  go-go dancers and debauchery,  two little old religious ladies walked up to me ( the ones that hand out the book let with bible excerpts)  and said ” God Bless you miss! What a smart girl writing!” I smiled and said thank you but inside I was laughing. If only they knew the smut I was writing about. Would they think the same?

In other news, my grandfather had a fall. He didn’t tell anyone right away. In fact he didn’t tell anyone until late Monday. The home attendant came and got me to tell me he didn’t eat breakfast and hasn’t gotten out of bed yet. So she fed him and we stayed with him and he felt better after eating but he said he has no strength. He tried to hold himself to sit up but nothing happens. So we assisted him. But, he kept saying he felt fine , didn’t feel sick or anything just he didn’t have the strength although he said he felt normal as if he could do it but when he tries nothing happens. So we set him up. We set up a walker next to the bed . We put the bed pan next to him and we are watching him closely. He said he didn’t feel like he needed a doctor but we probably going to take him anyway. It could be time is the culprit… he is 92 years old.

I’ll write again soon Journal , gotta finish this coffee before my shift. Tash

9:14am

Author’s Note: My grandpa’s condition was worrying my family so they took him to the hospital an hour or two after I left for work. Turned out my grandpa’s heart rate was real low and he needed a pacemaker.

Book Shelf

One of the side effects of working retail with a crappy immune system, I’m sick. Again. When I’m sick I’m terribly sentimental. I just want to lay in bed and read and cuddle and be babied. But, life doesn’t always allow that leisure.

http://www.wtfeck.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/dog-reading-in-bed.jpg

But, I have a hubby who does.

He worked hard to take care of himself the past couple of days  so i can stay in bed as much as possible so I can be a little bit better for work. He even walked Bianca for me in the morning so I could stay in my medicine induced sleep coma.

Poor guy has been living off Mac and Cheese.

But, I do feel just sick and not nearly dying sick so i think I can manage to go to work tomorrow.

And I have read 3 books.

 

If I Stay By Galye Forman

http://i42.tinypic.com/vzd4ip.jpg

This is what i wrote about it on my goodreads review
“Just finished reading “If I Stay” By Gayle Forman… what a tough book. Finished it in only a few hours. I love this books so much because it captures that transition of being rebellious and free spirited to being an adult . It captures that raw passion with music and creativity. Most importantly the struggle of love…and loss.”

But, I have more to say. The story is about Mia, a teenager musician. A classical musician( cellist ). Through a series of flashbacks we are acquainted with her family. Parents of  the rock era, matured and conformed for adult hood and to be good parents. But still, that rebellious free nature attitude is deeply entwined in the fabric of their lives. Music is what binds this family and music is what twines the words together on the page.

The book starts with a tragedy. A car crash. The book is told through Mia’s spiritual self, helplessly standing by her body while she tries to figure out what she should do. Return to her comatose body with her condition unknown and unsure of what damage was done. Return as an orphan but with the man she loves and grandparents still there . Or does she let go and reunite with her recently deceased family. Granted it wasn’t the best book ever written and the plot was thin at best. But, it pulls at your heart strings. As a  hopeless romantic, I loved this book. The pages turned fast and I was enthralled with the story. With love.

When it ended, I was amazed.

I jumped right into the next book.

Where She Went ( Book 2) by Gayle Forman

Where She Went ruined the beauty of  If I stay. It ruined it all in my eyes. I wish i never read it.  What was an epic love story, turned into bitter pointless angst. What was a very plausible story line, pulling at my heart strings cause of the very real possibility of it happening, was just erased.

Where She Went , Adam ( the boyfriend) succeeds in being a rock star. Mia succeeds in becoming  a cellist. The book is three years after If I Stay ended. And it’s pure emo angst from Adam’s perspective. I hated Mia. I was annoyed with Adam.  It ruined the epic love story. It ruined the difficult choices in If I Stay.

The “happy ending’ was mundane and cheesy and a waste of time.

I should of stayed with the first book.

The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m26tf61IQn1rsx2a5o1_500.jpg

The Fault In Our Stars is told from Hazel’s perspective. We follow her trying to “live today” with her terminal Cancer and all the limitations that entails. We explore uncertainties and loss. But most importantly, wishes and love.

The Fault In Our Stars was a great novel. It presents you a very real perspective and dynamic. The only reason I didn’t bawl like a baby at the end of the book was because I knew it was happening…and I was pissed. I wanted the happy ever after. I wanted the character to live. I was furious.

And that’s the point.

Life isn’t fair. Pain isn’t nice. Cancer certainly isn’t kind or timely. Some times we don’t get a happy ever after. We only get a happy right now. This story was honest. Was true. For that, I appreciate it even more.

My good reads blurb:
“That Fault in Our Stars was a brutally honest read. I liked the book for it’s very real and raw look on terminal illness. It seems everyone has a love or hate relationship with this book. I just want to say, it may not be the authors place to depict the world of childhood terminal illness. But it’s a very real world crafted flawlessly throughout this book and we owe it to those living this in real life to read it. I read this novel in a few short hours because of the relatively, how accurate the scenarios were. Some complain there is no happy ending. Well, that’s the point of this book. A small slice of infinity is all we can ask for, more than most get. Great book.”

A Work Over

I miss the days when waking up with your liver hurting was simply a badge earned from a weekend long escapade of drinking debauchery, you liver waving a white flag of surrender, coping out of the party. Ah the good ol’ days. Now, I awoke this morning with my liver jibbing me and I haven’t consumed alcohol is months. Instead, i reckon its’ an  acetaminophen over exposure having consumed the daily limit for many days( just over a week). For those of you that don’t now acetaminophen is an ingredient in many aspirins, pain relievers and cold/flu medicines.  I have been using cold/flu medicine.

It’s amazing how one’s perspective changes over time, with their life ventures.

I’ve been doing my best to be as less sick as possible because tomorrow is the big day. I start training at my new seasonal job.  Oh, i’m nervous. Retail horror stories can be inserted here.  But, i’m only schedule for Monday and Tuesday for training. I requested Wednesday off since the hubby has all his cancer appointments and procedures schedule. I was told training is typically three days so they may keep me late the two days to get the time in or just start me working with two days of training or schedule me for another training afterwards. They said they will figure it out after they see how i do. So. Hoping that goes well.  I didn’t ask about being paid, i didn’t want to push my luck since I’m being started a little higher than normal. But, I don’t know if they hold your first check like almost all places do. I don’t think they will since I’m not a regular permanent hire, I”m just a seasonal temp position hire.  And, training isn’t paid. So I’ll be a while before i see check or anything. But, I’m excited about earning my very own income.

Some people asked me what am I going to spend my money on.

Well, again i say i remember the days where i would go on a bender, party it up and blow my whole check in celebrations all over Manhattan. But now? I’m going to the doctor! And i couldn’t be more excited about it. While my mother has me on her insurance, I can’t afford to use it most of the time. It’s a 30 dollar co payment for my regular doctor and a 50 dollar co payment for a specialist.  Any medications I would get i have to pay out of pocket a portion of the cost. Like the antibiotics i usually get is 20 bucks, the inhaler i get when I have bronchitis is 76 bucks! Not to mention traveling costs. So while I have the insurance I can very rarely afford to use it.

But, as soon as I get and cash my check I’m making doctor appointments. Hopefully, I’m not still sick, but if i am ( which is a very real possibility I”m the type that gets sick and stays sick for weeks) that will be first on the table to address. Then, I want blood work done. Lots of it. A whole blood culture. Check me for anything and everything. It’s been almost two years since i last had blood work done. Then, I want referrals to specialists. I want to go a OBGYN doctor…embarrassing to admit.. I’ve never been. I want to get checked out make sure I don’t have cervical cancer or anything like that. Then I want to go get my boobs checks, I want a mammogram. Cancer seems to run in my family and I want to stay ontop of that. Omar already has cancer, we both can’t have it.

Am I’m overzealous and paranoid? Maybe . I just know  I have a immune system that is barely existent. I’m not the type to shy away from doctors. You can admit me to a hospital and I’ll be happy as a pea in a pod. Prescribe me any medicine and I’ll take it faithfully without complaint. I’ve spent a lot of time being sick with various degrees of cold and flu’s and bronchitis and pneumonia . So, if i can prevent all of that… why not? If i can get screened for more serious illness that i already know run in my family? It would be stupid not too.

So hopefully with my little retail job, I can get worked over.

At the same time, get Bianca schedule for her surgery asap.

Ontop of that my mother is charging me a ridiculous amount of rent. But, I’m not paying what she is asking for. I’ll pay what my brother pays and not a dime more. He makes more than I will be making and does NOTHING around the house. Even though tomorrow I will set off in the working world, I bet you my first paycheck  I still will be doing everything around the house that I am already doing now.

SO yeah, times have changed. I’ve had big plans for my final week of being homebound. Planned to sleep and be lazy and be a bum. But instead I was sick and hosting family. But yesterday? My dog woke me up 4am. Around 7am i venture back into my room and climb into bed and she jumps on my chest. And lays down. Now, Bianca never cuddles with me. Last time she did voluntarily was because I was sick… like really sick. And when she cuddled me that time I was sick I couldnt enjoy it because you know how they say dogs have a sixth sense? Well i believe that, so i thought bianca knew something about me being sick that i didnt thus coming over to cuddle with me. Yeah, i thought I was dying and i couldn’t enjoy the cuddles. But yesterday, she walked across me and laid down on my chest and licked my face. Then she threw her head down and fell asleep. It was the cutest thing ever. I was petting her and before i knew it I fell back asleep. We slept like that for hours. Around 10am she rolled off me and licked my face and curled up by my leg half buried by my blanket. We slept til almost noon. I woke up feeling less sick.

Sometimes we just have to take a cue from our dogs. Find a nice spot, cuddle up and sleep.

So today, my very last day, while feeling better than I have all week I still feel very sick. I haven’t taken much medicine yet cause of my liver pains. So i took Bianca’s advice. I laid on the hubby’s shoulder, threw my big fuzzy blanket over me and i took a nap. I slept for 3 hours and I woke up just a little bit better.  While I’m quick to pop a pill, sometimes our own bodies just need time and rest to work itself over.

I’m giving myself time tonight . Then tomorrow, armed with pocket tissue and cough drops, I’ll venture out into the world for my first day of being an adult in the PAID workforce.