This goes against all girl code but I have to admit. I feel bad for Ray Rice.

Now now before everyone gets their panties in a knot let me explain.

Back in Feb when we first heard about this incident, all we saw and all we knew was him dragging her out of an elevator. We didn’t know the back story. We didn’t know what they were fighting over.  All we knew was they walked into the elevator and than he walked out dragging her.

Which that alone is horrid in itself.

But, I’m from New York. I see day in and day out girls acting tough because they hide behind that security blanket, they hide behind the fact society deems it incorrigible to put hands on a female in any and all cases.

But, i grew up with street views. Where I’m from, if you’re talking smack, man women or child, then be prepared to have smack talked back at you. Same goes with physical stuff. If you are putting hands on someone even if it’s not actually punches but pushing or mushing a guy’s face , be prepared to get hands put on you back.   If you can dish it out, then be prepared to have it served back to you. There is no medieval chivalry code   of conduct.

I’ve seen countless girls all in a guy’s face, screaming, hand movements, slapping and mushing and saying ” i wish you would put your hands on me!” and the guys usually stand there and take it.

But everyone has a breaking  point. There is only so much poking a lion will take before it bites your hand off.

I’m not saying it’s right  but it’s true. That’s the core problem. How are we raising our young or maturing ourselves into adults without growing up to be civil and peaceful? No one is teaching , no one is leading. We have a behavioral problem that goes deep into our very fibers.

We don’t know these people other than he is a famous NFL player. We don’t know how they act in the privacy of their mansion. For all we know day in and day out his wife is rowdy and confrontational.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t believe in violence. I’m not saying she was asking for it. I’m just saying we don’t know how these two people act when off of camera. They could both very well have a behavioral problem.

With all this domestic violence talk , it’s that segregation of man hitting woman which annoys me. It should be a person hitting a person. If you get in someones face regardless of your gender, then expect the person to get in your face right back.

Ray Rice did wrong. We all know that. He didn’t have to knock her out cold. He had many other options, even if he had reached a breaking point of provocation. He could have shoved her. He could have hit the wall. He cold of done a million other things.  His actions are his actions and that’s on him. Only him and his wife know to what extent and how deep this problem runs. That’s another thing though  about this whole situation. Everyone is calling him an abuser and her a victim but why has NO ONE reached out to Janay? Why has no one tried to intervene? So either the world believes this is a couple of suffering from domestic violence and doesn’t give a shit about the people/victim to actually do something tangible like HELP or it’s just fluff for ratings.

And this is the reason I feel bad for Ray Rice. Where was the media coverage of
1) Rae Carruth   a wide receiver for the Carolina Panthers in 2001. He conspired to have his pregnant girlfriend killed. The girl died, the baby survived with permanent and severe brain damage. He was found guilty and expected to be released in 2018.

2)Terrell Suggs linebacker for the Baltimore Ravens,  was arrested for punching his long time girlfriend in the neck, then dragging her along a speeding car  while two children where inside the car.  All that happened due to this was arrest was he was forced to give up his gun collection. He is playing tonight against the Pittsburgh Steelers.

3)Brandon Marshall , just google his rap sheet… though he was mentally ill and was diagnosed as bi-polar and is receiving proper care and medication and is now campaigning for mental health and domestic violence. He plays this Sunday against the 49ners.

4) Ray McDonald   defensive tackle for 49ers , was arrested for a domestic dispute with his wife. This happened recently after Ray Rice, after the new adopted penalties rulings for domestic violence charges. He’s still in custody but the NFL has not ruled on his standing. Under the new ruling he should be suspended 6 games.

Everyone was saying Ray Rice is a strong football player, he should never have attempted to hit a woman knowing his strength. Which is true . What about Professional fighters? These two were trained lethal weapons. Their job is to knock people out. Where was the media coverage and outrage over these two?

5) War Machine aka Jon Koppenhaver former UFC contender was arrested for brutally assaulting his girlfriend who was  left with 18 broken bones, hair sawed off , broken teeth , broken nose and bruises all over.

6) Thiago Silva  former UFC fighter who was arrested for two accounts of attempted murder , after his wife separated from him and filing for a protection order against after he put a gun in her mouth and threatened to kill her.

So that’s why I feel bad for Ray Rice. He was caught on video. The video went viral. But domestic violence happens and is rarely caught on camera.  It’s usually behind closed doors. It doesn’t mean it’s not happening. It’s doesn’t mean there isn’t a problem in today’s society. Just because we don’t have pictures and videos of it that doesn’t mean it’s not even more horrid then a one punch knock out.  So I feel bad for the guy. What he did was wrong but for some reason he is this new poster person , but not for domestic violence itself but  the media and NFL and how to penalize its players.

My point is domestic violence is a real thing. I hate the gender-ism though. With ESPN and news channels not once have I heard about men victims. It’s a real thing. It’s out there. Men are victimized daily. It’s not a gender thing.  Plus, is it fair that women can get away with yelling, shoving, mushing and slapping of a guy and a guy is supposed to just sit there and take it? It’s not fair. Women need to learn how to act right just as much as men do.

And NOW , the national organization for women wants the NFL commissioner fired. Excuse me feminists… but the police let Ray Rice go. It’s not the league’s job to do policing. Other players when arrested the league effectively passed their penalty after the police has made their ruling. Aaron Hernandez was erased from NFL  when he was arrested, rightly so. The cops let Ray Rice go with anger management classes. The league thought that was the end. I don’t blame the league at all. It’s the judicial system that’s messed up. NOW should be going after the people who handled the case and why he was let off with a slap on the wrist.

But what truly annoys me about this whole situation. What about the real victims. I’m not saying that Janay  isn’t a victim. I’m saying how do we as a society help people daily and how to do we do something real to effect change in the future, to prevent others from becoming victims. To do something about the rampant violence in today’s society. Nothing is actually being done. All this publicity isn’t actually raising any kind of awareness or real questions or real problem solving ideas. It’s just media running wild with ratings.

Not once have I seen an 800 number on the screen. Not one announcer has spoken out “if you or you know someone or suspect someone of suffering domestic abuse please contact…” There has been no charity supported or announced. There has been no awareness announced on air. No message of where people can go to get help.

Domestic violence is a very real thing. But before you jump on a bandwagon make sure you know the whole story.

We have a humanity problem in today’s world. People lack common sense and decency. Empathy and compassion are being replaced by greed and violence.

I just ask everyone remember the real problem. Treat others how you want to be treated. Never hide behind preconceived social norms. Man or woman it’s about acting like a decent human being.

Man, the older I get the more out of whack I feel. I swear my hormones are going crazy. Not to be all TMI but, i used to get my female time of the month , no sweat. No problem. Now? I start getting hormonal a week and a half before.

Yesterday my ovaries went all feminist on me. All day long they were screaming I am woman here me roar. Look really, they were. I swear that’s a picture of my ovaries from last night.

roaring lion, roar , lion, angry, hormones


And I’m just like :

Seriously, it’s not that serious body. Do your thing once a month for 5-7 days and then I’ll go about my business. Honestly, I don’t complain when it’s my time of the month. I don’t mind paying my dues. It’s mother’s natures gift to me , telling me I’m not knocked up. So thank you, I accept my gift graciously.

What i don’t need like, is sitting down feeling like Freddy Kruger is trying to escape from inside me and bawling my eyes out watching an episode of House a full week before I even have my Aunt Flow.


If you need me, I’ll be off to the store to buy ice cream.

Five Things That Annoy Me In Working Retail

1) Everything ( in a clothing retail store) has it’s own unique skew number. Granted some brands the skew number is the same for the same shirt in all sizes. But most brands, different colors, even if the same price, have different skew numbers. In my department, every style of jean, every size of jeans even if the same style  has a unique number. So I cannot simply just scan any ol’ jean. It’s for inventory reasons as well, how else can we keep track of what needs to be ordered/what is selling? I have to walk away from the register and line behind you to go retrieve a twin of the item you are trying to purchase. In my store, we don’t put items out on the floor without proper ticketing and when cleaning we remove any items without a ticket. But, we cannot help that customers rip off tickets all day long when trying things on or when stealing. Yes, stealing. Customers steal everyday in my store. Some customers just feel if they rip the tag off we will give it away for free or scan something less in value. Um. No. It doesn’t work that way.

2) So, you want that shirt that’s on the mannequin? Doesn’t matter that shirt doesn’t have tickets/pricing on it. Doesn’t matter its chock full of pins and needles to mold it to the mannequin. Doesn’t matter that mannequin in on top of table surrounded by neatly folded piles of clothes. Doesn’t matter it’s the middle of a sale day and I’m the only one on the floor in between line busting. No, you just want me to scale tables, wrestling with a 40 pound full body mannequin so you can have the 8 dollar tee shirt. Seriously, the shirt is not that cool. In my store, what the mannequins wear aren’t arbitrary either. We have a visual guide. Specifics items are chosen by corporate to showcase. So each morning, instead of having extra hands to put out merchandise and fill in, several people have to go through all three floors and check that each mannequin are wearing the proper clothing.

mannequins, retail, retail work


3)Part of my job is greeting customers as they enter my area. For the most part, that’s easy and I don’t mind. What annoys me, because I’m being courteous to you doesn’t give you the right to unload about every bad shopping experience you’ve ever had. Maybe you should save your money and not buy clothes and spend that money on a shrink instead.


customer service, customers, retail, work


4) Like I said it’s my job to greet customers. It’s also my job to customer assist them. I don’t mind, really, I don’t. In fact I prefer it. Instead of having you put your paws all over everything and messing everything up I much rather retrieve it neatly and quickly myself. So, when I walk over to you and ask you if you need help it’s really me asking you if you need help. I am not flirting with you or hitting on you. I work in the men’s department. Men’s Levis Jeans. So most of my customers are male. Insecure ladies, i can really do without your dirty looks. I don’t want your man. I’m just doing my job. And I’m not stalking you cause I think your stealing. If I think your stealing I ignore you and call security who would watch you on cameras. So people of the world, you really are not that interesting…get over yourself.

5)Our store policy for coupon use..sigh. It’s supposed to be one coupon per transaction. Technically if you want to get off the line and get back on you can do that countless times. Your coupon is supposed to be surrender at time of use. We do not have the coupon in store and we’re not supposed to keep them by the resisters. It is supposed to be presented by the customer. We’re told not to write it down or memorize the code. Yet, we’re also told if they ask for a coupon, but they don’t have one, scan it for them. What am I scanning exactly? We’re not keeping them around the registers or memorizing the coupon. We’re told not to use it for every customer but tell the customer about the coupon for the day and to just take care of the customer. What customer isn’t going to ask for a coupon if we have one? Then we get in trouble for over usage of the coupon.

So that’s just a few things that irk me daily at work. There is tons more. Maybe I’ll start a series out of this…

What about you all? What annoys you at your job?

Oops, I disappeared again.

I have been peeking in and out of WordPress browsing through my reader, but I’m terribly behind on everyone’s posts.

I hope everyone has been well.

It’s back to school season so I’ve been busy at work. I have been getting extra hours which is nice but I’m not really seeing any of the extra money. I’m finally buying things I needed like new work clothes /work pants. Next paycheck I’m aiming for a new phone. I have had my phone for over five years and it doesn’t even make regular phones calls. I have a family plan with my mother and she does not want to extend the contract so I have been stuck with my phone for years. So, I’m planning on finally getting my own contract and upgrade my phone. It’s taking me so long to do this because I have had my phone number since I was 14. True, i don’t call/text that many people but I’m attached to my phone number. Going to the a new carrier that i can afford to pay on my own and they don’t buy out numbers. So I will have to get a new number all together. But, it’s time. So my next pay check hopefully i get that out of the way.

Otherwise, life has been the same. Same stuff, different day. I have been spending time with the hubby when not at work. Football season is upon us so we decided to compromise and spend as much time doing things together before football takes over. SO i haven’t been on the computer much or reading much. But, that’s okay. Working extra has been tiring and it’s great to come home and spend quality time with my boo.

And can i just say True Blood is almost over?!! What!!! I was okay when the book series was over because I had the show to fall back on. But now, with the series coming to an end too, I just don’t know what to do with myself! It’s Harry Potter all over again.  I’ve been a fan of the books for years and have followed the TV series since it began and now … sigh. I guess I’ll just have to be “true to the end” .


I’m becoming a leopard.

I caught a rash from work back in the winter time. It started on my arms, where i have the most contact with the counter and shelves. And because I’m an idiot, i scratched the shit out of it and it spread.  It was on both my arms and spread to my shins ( i don’t know how i wear dress pants at work, my guess is when I’m home I sit hugging my legs alot. )

All of it is mostly gone by now except a patch on one of my shins. It gets better and is almost gone but then I shave my fur off and it gets irritated and comes back.

But then I noticed on my arm, right by the veins where a doctor would draw blood, I was having color spots. I didn’t think much of it. It’s summer in NYC and I thought maybe it was just my skin’s reaction to unwanted sun blare while waiting for the bus. But then the spots started becoming really distinct. So I showed the hubby and asked him if I should be worried.

He then informed me I have the same spots on my back.

I was like a dog trying to chase it tails. I was turning around trying to see my back before common sense kicked and ran to the mirror.

Sure enough, I had spots all over my back.

Oddly, that calmed my skin worries down a bit. I figured it was a heat related rash of some sort. The spots on back were mostly where the bra strap covers.

Since it’s hot as hell at work, the AC doesn’t work on my floor, i get pretty hot when working.

And I wear 3 quarter length shirts to work a lot. I would wear long sleeves if I could. Working retail has made me a bit of a germophobe. But, it’s too hot for long sleeves. But, alot of the shirts I wear for work the sleeves end right about where the spots are. So , i figured it was maybe irritation from the heat and friction from the clothes.

But, this week at work  I strictly wore  short sleeves and I was hoping to see the spot clear up a bit.

It got worse.

I asked the hubby in that baby voice if he would still love me if   was covered from head to toe in these spots. I always had flawless skin and these spots have been making me feel a little iffy about my appearance.

He responded (and this is why I love him)

“Of course baby, your turning into a leopard and I will love you as a leopard. “

My world instantly exploded. I can’t help it, I love animal print, leopard being my favorite.

Now, i look at my spots on my arm and say in a smooth silky voice “I’m a leapordddddd”

Sometimes, perspective is everything.

I haven’t a clue of what to post. So, fair warning, this is a random post.

So, work has been heating up. My department, is technically no longer a department. However, 3 of the original team remains and we run and maintain it like a department. This means, there is one person at a time in Levi’s.  It sounds like it’s efficient right? Well, hardly. Two of us are doing the work a 8 person team could barely maintain. ( One person works closing so there is no real work getting done, just orderliness which is a big thing, not to be degraded)  Any day, at any given time, you can find me trying to redo a section, fill in, restock, size, re fold, fix the floor plan, manage the back stock/stock room. Alongside maintaining the fitting room, emptying it out, putting away the clothing customers leave tossed all over the floor. But, customers first. I greet and assist every customer.  It doesn’t end there. I help the neighboring section and have to help line bust/cashier and I have to help cover their lunches and breaks. Yet, when I go on lunch or break or cover for them my area is unattended and it makes for a bigger mess and more hassle when I return. Most days I dread to even take a lunch  break.  Majority of the store also has their own replenishment team. That team takes the stock out of the stock room, off the trucks, and puts it out on the floor. They don’t do that for Levi’s. I do it of course.

customer service, retail, stock


So just combine all of that together and that is my work day. It’s alot of work and I”m always running around like a chicken with its head cut off while the rest of the store are walking around all la de fucking da folding the same shirt for ten minutes.

Plus, the store is getting pretty busy with the holidays ( mothers day and fathers day and summer shopping). Kids are almost done with school and going on summer break. So that’s an added stress. Some school kids tagged up my fitting room. In big bright red spray paint.

Most days, I don’t mind. I love my department that isn’t really a department anymore. I love that Levi’s jean is MY area. When things are good, I can tell you where that one jean, the last size left, is and retrieve it for you in under 30 seconds. When i get new markdowns, i often don’t even need the invoice i can just lap the floor and grab the items on the list and price them. I love being in charge of everything and I love people come to me for everything. I love the independence and I love the compliments. I even love my regular customers, even the wacky ones.

I get a customer that comes in ever two months or so. He likes to buy 501 , any color, any size.  The catch? They cannot be made in Egypt or any middle eastern country. Why? Because he’s from there and he sells them for double, triple the price.

How do you tell where they are made? The little white tag inside the jeans. Yeah, I was not sitting there emptying my shelves reading little tags for this guy in the middle of a work day. Sometimes when I get a new shipment, tags are often sticking out when fresh off the truck so i skim through them and if i notice the country of origin is different I may place it aside and keep a special pile in the back stock of the shelves. But, that doesn’t last long, piles get messed up daily

I get a lady that wants black 501 jeans size 38 waist and 36 length. But she wants it with a black Levi’s logo leather patch ( opposed to the regular tan color).  Levi’s typically only have the black patch when its a special edition or if there are two similar models for the same style. I cannot custom make the jeans.

I got a new visual display. Some random model in a decked out in Levis gear, a demin jacket and distressed jeans. I noticed the picture display right away and immediately complained. We do not sell those items in the picture and I knew customers would ask me for those  items.  Not much we can do about it though so I was left with customers whining for those items all day.

Overall, work is very fulfilling for me. Everyday is an adventure. I like being relied upon and looked to for assistance and help.

Because of the whole Levi’s not being a department debacle I work almost exclusively morning/opening shifts. I work one day, not quite  a closing shift, a late mid shift where I get out at 8 or 830 or so.

They just need to have me there to get the work done. I did get an increase in hours, bout 30 hours a week. My supervisor is trying to push for me to be full time.


Alot of working retail is simply politics and poor management. My store, specifically, has people that work there for years and years. However, the word work is used liberally. So many people put in limited availability and the store honors it.  The store needs to clean house. If you are not pulling your weight , it’s not fair to others. I would say a good 70% of the store bullshit most of of their shift and the rest of the 30% work twice, three times as hard. You have so many people that work there and no one when you need them most. Some mornings I open, its literally one person per quad. That’s three people. Then at closing you have 6 or 7 people for each quad? It makes no damn sense.  For fucks sake, on fathers day? I had to ask to work. Why in the world would i, an associate in the men’s department, have to ASK to work for fathers day?  That is a day where every associate you have should be scheduled to work and to work extra. They didn’t even schedule a MEN’S supervisor for the closing shift. If that’s not whacked, I don’t know what is.

Anywho, that’s my ramble. Oh and some stroke of luck. My mother haggled her insurance and they said they can keep me on until the end of the billing cycle which is January! So, I have health insurance for now. I’m free to be sick. Yay!

Well, the day has arrived. Today, I have been dropped from my insurance. My birthday is in a few days ( Thursday). I am turning 26. Can you believe that. I feel like i stopped aging at 22 when life took a turn. That is when my father first fell ill. My fiance shortly after. I feel like life hasn’t progressed much after that. Yet, numbers never lie. There it is. 26. Time , with or without me, has surely kept moving forward.

Lately, I have been so stressed out. Usually, I would just tackle one thing at a time. However, I feel I’m lost in the fog. I don’t want to do anything. I haven’t been doing anything. What it comes down to, i feel defeated.

Karma, good, right, decisions


I have not had one peaceful week in a long time. I can’t even remember the last time there was ONE week without drama, an incident or an illness. Is one blissful week too much to ask for?

I just feel like the people around me are achieving and granted various things. I don’t wish unwell on people but I’m bitter at the lack of effort and the ease in which others are gaining their desires. I gladly work hard, sacrifice and crawl on nails for what I want, for the people I love. In fact, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I”m old fashioned in believing in the struggle, in believing in working hard for your needs and wants. I wouldn’t feel deserving or satisfied any other way. However, it’s the WHY that bothers me. Why do good people have to go through so, so much? How come the assholes have life handed to them on a silver platter?

It makes me wonder about Karma. I do believe in Karma. It makes me wonder what kind of atrocities I did in a past live to be SO close to peace and happiness and never obtain it. It makes me wonder if my happy go luckily attitude and positively and optimism is misplaced. Maybe, I’m just naive. Maybe, I’m not cut throat enough.

In the end I feel defeated because that’s WHO i am. I’m good. I care. I’m loyal. I don’t see myself getting ahead in life with the way things are now. I just want my hubby to be healthy and happy and have a little place of our own away from drama with our dog. Our little family. I don’t care if I have to work two or three jobs. I just want our little slice of bliss. But because of who I fundamentally am, i feel obligated to stay in my household. They cannot manage without me. I feel obligated to stay at my job. All of upper management comes to me with anything related to Levi’s jeans, inventory, stock, sales, visual, security concerns. I’m the go to person. But working there is holding me back. I do not earn enough working part time to do much of anything,let alone pay bills and be independent.

This is just my emotional venting posting, to get all this negativity and doubt out of my system. I’m been absent from blogging because of life and stress. I have been binge watching TV shows. I’m all caught up on Game of Thrones. I’m up to season three of Once Upon a Time.

Changes need to happen. Today, i will continue to mope. I have some ice cream in the freezer and Hulu on standby.

I hope to get this out of my system. Maybe I can start the new week, my birthday week, with some new-found resolution. I don’t know. All I know is life is making it hard to believe Good always wins.

Doctor, costly, broke
Just a friendly update to let my readers know, I am alive. I haven’t kicked the bucket.  Sorry, I have not been actively commenting on your posts. But, I have been creeping. I silently have been skimming through my reader and keeping up with ya’ll blogs.

So, my birthday is coming up. With my birthday also means the end of freeloading off my mother’s insurance. I’m busying myself , and draining my bank account with co-pays and deductibles,  trying to get myself taken care of within the next three weeks

I have a foot problem. I have a special toe nail. It grows curved and thick. Doctor said it’s an infection causing the weird growth. Just let me tell you, that toe nail is painful.

I went and had it clipped a few months ago, and was supposed to go back to start a round of medication to stop the weird curvy growth. But, because it was clipped and pain-free  and a 50 dollar co-pay every time i go, it was easy to ignore and put off.

Until it wasn’t.

I waited too long.  Every step was painful. And since it’s been so long i needed a new referral and that took going to my primary doctor( with his own expensive funny, bridesmaids, poor, broke co-payment). But, my primary doctor is hard to get too. He used to have an office literally around the block from my house. He relocated to a facility across town which i would have to take three trains ( one train for only two stops to transfer to the train by his office) and  walk about 15 mins to get too. Plus, he works in his practice weird hours, that are limited. He works around his hospital shift schedules and he works out of two hospitals. Between my work schedule and the doctor’s schedule, it’s only one day that I can really go see him. So, unless I’m nearly dying I don’t go.

But, like I said, that toe nail was pretty damn painful. With the imminent end to my insurance too, there was extra pressure to get relief before I wouldn’t have a choice.

So after I finally went to my primary doctor and got a boat load of tests done, i left the office  hours later clutching a precious piece of paper….the referral to the foot doctor.

The foot doctor is closed on Sundays. Monday they open at 9am-6pm. I was ready to call to schedule an appointment at 9am but i figured I would let them stroll in and take care of the patients waiting at their door and settle in first. So at 930 is when i made the first phone call. I got a busy signal. I can’t even remember the last time i heard that annoying beep. Seriously, a doctor’s office? A busy signal? I called every 20 minutes and it wasn’t until 12 in the afternoon did i get through. I was put on hold before I could even get a word out of my mouth. I stood on hold for 20 minutes without even the decency of having elevator music to entertain me., just random beep beep beep. Finally i hear static and i was hopeful the torture was finally over. Then i heard a big loud click.
oh no you didnt, hung up on, disbelief

Yup I was hung up on.

I call back almost ready to have a hissy fit but again before I could even get out a word was rudely yelled out that I need to call back in another half hour they are busy.

Oh, i was so angry. But, i have a motto, not to make a scene until I’m taken care of us. I don’t need my insurance information “getting lost” and receiving a bill in the mail. So i gritted my teeth and waited 45 minutes. Then i called back.

I tried to make an appointment for my next day off but “they were full up all week”.  Then she asked me to “come in right now”. I was even angrier because i was trying to get through the office all morning and I could have went and finished with the appointment and now she is rushing me? But, my foot was in alot of pain and I had a timeline of pressure so I said okay.

I had to call out of work because I was scheduled to work at 5 and it was almost 2 and I had no idea what the foot doc was going to do to me or how long I was going to sit in the office and wait.

I took the hubby with me to the foot doctor because quite frankly I’m a punk with needles and pain. scared, afraid , alone

In the end, 50 dollars poorer and half a toe nail later , i got out of the doctor’s office around 5pm. I could not walk. He numbed the whole toe but i still felt an incredible amount of pain. A 15 minute walk home took almost 45 minutes.

While my foot feels alot better, I’ve been crying through my shifts at work all week. Wearing shoes( i tried all kinds, same result) it just puts pressure on the toe and it’s sensitive where there used to be toe nail. Barefoot, I’m fine. Normal. Put a cage of those bad boys? Holy hell.

I have one more week to wait for the results of blood tests. He has to check my “levels” before prescribing medication. So, in a week and a few days I have an appointment to go back to the primary doctor for a copy of the blood work and then go back to the foot doctor for meds.

All in all, I’m going broke trying to get healthy.But, my doctors are stock piling me with prescriptions  I can fill now and hopefully last awhile while I apply for a new insurance.

So, yes. I’m still alive. I have just been hobbling around trying to get my health in order in between working.
cool, laid back, cough potato,
Also, I’ve been binge watching Game of Thrones. I”m up to season 3. I also binged watched The Voice, season 6. I”m up to date with the last aired episode. And I caught up on this season of Nurse Jackie. Hit a reading slump after  the biker book binge. Needed a breather from reader so have been filling my head with random TV.

Happy Mother’s Day to all my lovely readers!

mother, endearing, mothers day, loving, caring.

Even if alot of days, you are dead tired and dealing with this:
Mother, loving, patience, patient, kind

Even if your mother is different from the traditional sense.

Mother, n bounders, true love, unconditional

All of this makes for a true mother. They come in all shapes and sizes. A true mother loves you unconventionally , unconditionally. They endure, they struggle, they overcome. They are patient and kind when it matters most. They are supportive . They are imperfect too. But, that is okay. Because that’s what makes them special.

Happy Mother’s Day , to whatever kind of mother you are! In the end, it doesn’t matter what kind of mother you are. As long as your child thinks of you as a mother in a positive light, then that’s all that matters.
Mother, mothers day

My feet thundered up the stairs, still not as loud as the ringing screeching through my ears. Or even the pounding of my heart.

That was all i could hear. Ringing , high-pitched ringing only interrupted by a deep thud thud of my ever-increasing heart beat.

And the desire to flee. With each beat my brain screamed RUN.

My dog was in my arms giving me crazy eyes, but felt my rapid heart beat so stayed tuckered in my arms while I stood dumfounded in my door way.


My vision blurred all I could see was a big mushroom cloud of fiery explosion, like in the action movies when a building is blown up. Big orangery blaze inferno.

I jerked and my brain  yelled GET OUT.

Of course, it hadn’t happened. There was no explosion. Or i wouldn’t still be standing there.  But, it was gunna happen.  It was all i could see. I felt it in my bones.

More ringing in my ears.

More burning orangery haze behind my retinas.

I  placed my dog on the bed and couldn’t even muttered a” stay” I just pointed. For once in her little life, she obeyed.

My ripped my night-shirt off, with the remnants of my nice peaceful day off from work. I hurriedly grabbed the first bra I could and strapped it on. Too panicked to look for clothes i put my night-shirt back on. I grabbed a pair of socks. I had one sock on and one sock poised in position when i hear it.


I stood frozen with one foot in the air, ready to be clothed with the sock.

The sirens grew louder.

I stood still.

Then lights.

I un-froze and dropped the lone sock.

Scooped up my dog and with one sock on and one off and i rushed back down the stairs and look out the window.

My whole block was filled with two fire trucks and one of the fire truck jeeps.  I watched as the closest fire truck the doors opened and extracted from the cab of the truck were firefighters, several of them.

Oddly, like a clown car. I wondered how many were in there and how many could fit in there.


They descended upon my house like angels of retribution.

Shit just got real folks.


Okay, let’s rewind. It was my day off from work, coming to a close. It’s been stressful at work, with Easter right around the corner, and the lack of staff and security breathing down my back with helping them man the fitting room. So I’ve been doing what I have been doing for the past several weeks. Escaping to my books. Just reading. In bed, not doing shit but reading.

When i hear my mother and my dad getting into an argument. I ignore it. Go back to reading. Then 20 minutes my mother is calling for my brother and my hubby to go help my father in the basement, something about a stove.

The boys descend to the basement and i still didn’t move.  About ten minutes later, i figured I better go check on the hubby, since he is the only one that has any common sense and he’s been in a “fix it ” situation with people who don’t have common sense and he may need back up.

I enter the basement to the stove pulled out and being informed there is a gas leak from the stove.

That’s when the ringing in my ears started. I stayed, in the far corner of  the basement as I watched them trace the  specific gas line to the stove. The shut off valve for that particular line was so old and rickety. And rusted shut. I watched as they attempted to turn it.

They were in a dilemma. Try to force it. But have a risk it break. And then we would be up shit’s creak.

I couldn’t take it no more. I ran upstairs and my mother asked me who should she call. I started blabbing ” You need to call somebody!”

She tried all our usual people but none answered the phone. The ringing  in my ears got  louder.

Then she got on the phone with 311 ( NYC’s dispatch number, not the police department but they get you the numbers or people you need or just provide information)

Now, this is where I had a panic attacked and brings us to the beginning of the blog post.

I had a panic attack folks. I freaked the fuck out.

All i could see was big explosions. I swear that was all i could see , hear and FEEL.

All  i needed was to get out. I was going to go. I have no idea where the hell i was going to go. I was just going to go.

But, the fire department came and according to my brother the fire fighter turned the valve ” like slicing butter”. So the gas was shut off. And as quickly as they descended on my house they left.

Everyone was departing back to their assigned parts of the house so it was me who answered the door bell when it rung.

It was the po po.

I was immediately greeted by  a police officer sternly asking if everyone was alright.  Flabbergasted I was answering his very stern and direct questions. They got a call about  a gas leak and came to investigate if everything was resolved and everyone was alright.

When i closed the door after the officer left I finally made it back to my room.

And finally I processed everything that happened.

I was up all night processing what happened. My adrenaline did not leave me until the wee hours of the morning.

The next day, i was upset I had a panic attack. Though,now I can laugh about it. But during? I was swore I was going to die in a horrible inferno.

Well, glad to tell you, I’ll live to live another day and blog another post.